11-11-2011, 08:13 AM
"The ground patiently waits" is wonderful -- you build mood very well here, using almost all the senses.
Though I really like the alliteration in "cessation of sound", I actually think "cessation" might be too awkward a word to open the poem with -- you might think about:
sound ceased
movement stilled
And perhaps "mankind" instead of "humanity" in the second-last line.
This is good freeverse, grannyjill, with your keen ear for rhythms still quite obvious in the sound of the piece.
Though I really like the alliteration in "cessation of sound", I actually think "cessation" might be too awkward a word to open the poem with -- you might think about:
sound ceased
movement stilled
And perhaps "mankind" instead of "humanity" in the second-last line.
This is good freeverse, grannyjill, with your keen ear for rhythms still quite obvious in the sound of the piece.
It could be worse