11-28-2011, 05:56 PM
I've no idea, from a knowing-anything-about-poetry perspective, but it sounds good to me.
Personally, call me a prude, but I think "dung" is unnecessarily vulgar. Why not 'dun-coloured'?
Also, I might (I'm not entirely sure) be inclined to split the first sentence in half, thus:
A manuscript, yellowed and grey
scattered with dung-coloured patches.
Creased like a discarded
Sunday afternoon newspaper.
Mottled and moled
Getting old – my skin.
Personally, call me a prude, but I think "dung" is unnecessarily vulgar. Why not 'dun-coloured'?
Also, I might (I'm not entirely sure) be inclined to split the first sentence in half, thus:
A manuscript, yellowed and grey
scattered with dung-coloured patches.
Creased like a discarded
Sunday afternoon newspaper.
Mottled and moled
Getting old – my skin.
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."