self-entitled

self-entitled

Wildcard Offline

Avaricious Apathist

Posts: 342
Threads: 49
Joined: Sep 2011

#23

12-08-2011, 06:21 AM

Thanks for your opinions, Jack. I think you make some pretty good points.

My main point of debate before I revise again is making sure I didn't hurt myself in this revision. I can't help, but feel that Jill is right. The first version, to me has something that the second lacks. A punchiness, maybe. Todd suggested shorter lines, but somehow I wound up fattening them even more. I'm very uncertain how to proceed. I was very proud of the first version as a start, but I feel that I've gone off track.

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Messages In This Thread

self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-25-2011, 12:11 AM

RE: self-entitled - by grannyjill - 11-25-2011, 04:45 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-25-2011, 07:46 PM

RE: self-entitled - by grannyjill - 11-25-2011, 08:16 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-26-2011, 01:00 AM

RE: self-entitled - by addy - 11-26-2011, 02:42 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-26-2011, 09:07 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Leanne - 11-27-2011, 06:02 AM

RE: self-entitled - by grannyjill - 11-27-2011, 06:39 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-28-2011, 11:37 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Leanne - 11-28-2011, 01:22 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-28-2011, 08:31 PM

RE: self-entitled - by Leanne - 11-29-2011, 04:18 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-29-2011, 06:15 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Todd - 11-29-2011, 07:25 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 11-29-2011, 08:00 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 12-02-2011, 04:14 AM

RE: self-entitled - by grannyjill - 12-02-2011, 07:25 PM

RE: self-entitled - by billy - 12-08-2011, 12:06 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 12-08-2011, 12:08 AM

RE: self-entitled - by billy - 12-08-2011, 12:11 AM

RE: self-entitled - by heslopian - 12-08-2011, 04:23 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 12-08-2011, 06:21 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Todd - 12-08-2011, 07:43 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 12-08-2011, 01:43 PM

RE: self-entitled - by billy - 12-09-2011, 05:30 PM

RE: self-entitled - by grannyjill - 12-12-2011, 12:08 AM

RE: self-entitled - by Wildcard - 12-12-2011, 02:55 AM

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