Daphne

[billy]

i thought the last verse very poignant. it has that honest feel about it wich makes it more so.

there are parts i think could be removed without losing anything, (small phrases etc)
for me the first two would be stronger if told how you (the 1st person) saw her, instead of telling us.

instead of ;
Daphne was afraid of sex
but not solitude.


Daphne, afraid of sex
not of solitude.
How many years must she have stood
overlooking small creatures?
overs carved their names in her,
causing agony?
Apollo's penis terrified her.
it was an axe

just an example of what i meant though it is only a suggestion for you to think about. my thought is to take the you out of it till the comparison in the last verse. jmo.

i did like the rawness of the poem and it's integrity to what feels like a comparison of self. the art work is superb,

thanks for the read.