12-11-2011, 09:34 PM
Billy - you are GOOD. Last lines were in, then out, then in, then changed, then out, then changed, then out and finally they were in....but with great doubt. I did almost post with 'She is grateful' as the last line.
The second line - I think the word 'that' was the decider - because either 'that' or 'time' can be the emphasised word in the line so changing the meaning. But, I'm sure you are right. I would prefer to do away with the last line.
I'm hiding in novice because I'm not a confident poet, and I can easily fall from my perch like a Monty Python parrot if too harsh a criticism comes my way (hm perhaps my analogy is faulty - aren't his feet nailed onto the perch?)
The second line - I think the word 'that' was the decider - because either 'that' or 'time' can be the emphasised word in the line so changing the meaning. But, I'm sure you are right. I would prefer to do away with the last line.
I'm hiding in novice because I'm not a confident poet, and I can easily fall from my perch like a Monty Python parrot if too harsh a criticism comes my way (hm perhaps my analogy is faulty - aren't his feet nailed onto the perch?)