12-17-2011, 08:21 AM
ey granny!
really liked the intro, from the title to the first line. said together, it is wonderful. the use of reflecting as the middle line stanza one is great, moving from the window pane to the mask.
not a refreshing image, the tears in the second stanza do work. I like the staring at a "naked oak", really draws a parallel again between her and the tree, and even the moon. with the next line, everything just gets washed with a sense of age.
I think the last lines can be played with and salvaged; ultimately, your choice of course. I was thinking something along the lines:
Grateful/ time has gone.
I think "gone" would keep that sense of sadness. a pleasant read, granny
really liked the intro, from the title to the first line. said together, it is wonderful. the use of reflecting as the middle line stanza one is great, moving from the window pane to the mask.
not a refreshing image, the tears in the second stanza do work. I like the staring at a "naked oak", really draws a parallel again between her and the tree, and even the moon. with the next line, everything just gets washed with a sense of age.
I think the last lines can be played with and salvaged; ultimately, your choice of course. I was thinking something along the lines:
Grateful/ time has gone.
I think "gone" would keep that sense of sadness. a pleasant read, granny
Written only for you to consider.