From young to old

[tectak]

we're getting uglier
greyer, blacker
from smooth to roughI like the statement start. It is a strong opener showing confidence. Would you be this confident if you showed mastery of punctuation, I wonder? Nonetheless, I am intrigued....where are we off to?


in the beginning
we can't stop laughing
but at the end
we laugh while we cry Errors of tense here, but also try "we cry while we laugh". Believe me, it is nearer the mark and carries a bitter-sweet poignancy

ripples
numbers we can't count
wrinkles
climbing over our skin Again, the punctuation is awol and though the meaning is perfectly clear, it may not be your meaning. Puntuation is a tool not to be put down because you don't know how to use it. I like this stanza very much and you are forgiven but not vindicated.

and they say
that we have to fail
to start again
let's begin with failing
so we can come again
to where we came fromThis stanza shows what can happen when the immediacy of a thought is not allowed to mature. There are twenty ways that this excellent distillation could be clarified.....watch out,though,that clichés creep not in[b/]

pour the young blood
over our everlasting pain
recreate from the ashes
a newborn warm life

All issues are little. Very well done. Bugger to getting old!