yellowjackets

[billy]

v. 3 tried removing excess

After you take the jar
and remove it from the freezer,

--the guest said,
addressing the table--

the nest thaws
and yellowjackets wake

without a home carved into
an unfinished wall.

Before torpor ends,
a strand of rope hooks

the bands of black
and gold on their skeletons.

Once warm,
they fly like torn flags

--he laughs, takes a question
on the number of hives in the house--

Enough to burn, one to save
for when the wind was strong

enough to drag any flag
back to life.




V. 2 slight wording adjustments; hope they make the "piece" even tighter


After you take the jar from the freezer
-the guest said, addressing the table-

Unscrew the lid and wait for the nest inside
to thaw as the yellowjackets warm and wake,

exiled from the exposed beams
of an unfinished, pine-scented home.

Wear heavy clothes and goggles
to avoid the stings; after all,

some people are allergic; and bring string
to tie around their banded bodies.

They fly like flags
-here, he laughs,

takes a question on the number of hives
planted in the unassembled walls-

Enough to burn, one to save
for when the wind was strong

enough to drag any flag
back to life.



v. 1

After you take the jar from the freezer
-the diner said, addressing the table-

Unscrew the lid and wait for the honeycomb
to thaw as the yellowjackets warm to life,

immigrants, pushed out of the exposed beams
of a new, pine-scented home.

Wear heavy clothes and goggles
to avoid the stings; after all,

some people are allergic; and bring string
to tie around their bodies.

They fly like flags
-here, he laughs,

takes a question on the number of hives
planted in the house-

Enough to burn, one to save
for when the wind was strong

enough to drag any flag
back to life.

sorry to get here late geoff, it feels like you took the edit too far. i do like
once warm
they fly like torn flags.

sometimes we take so much off that what's left feels like a list.
the 1st version for me had more warmth, more of everything the final edit didn't, apart from the torn flag couplet. at present i'm having a bit of trouble getting a complete picture. sorry i couldn't be more helpful
thanks for the read.