05-02-2012, 11:52 PM
Indie, what I was thinking was something like this:
He’s ten years old
Pokemon hyper-focused
Quoting statistics I can’t comprehend
All I can remember is
Pikachu!
While he’s all over it
Glued to the television set
Eyes alight with childlike joy
Consumed by an obsession
I just nod and agree with
Lost somewhere in the upgrades
I'm normally not a proponent of one word lines but if anything can carry a line it's something exotic like Pikachu.
Again though just a thought, and to Billy's point, after a while revisions begin to bleed together no matter what you choose to do coming back to the poem after a few months will likely give you a better perspective.
Best,
Todd
He’s ten years old
Pokemon hyper-focused
Quoting statistics I can’t comprehend
All I can remember is
Pikachu!
While he’s all over it
Glued to the television set
Eyes alight with childlike joy
Consumed by an obsession
I just nod and agree with
Lost somewhere in the upgrades
I'm normally not a proponent of one word lines but if anything can carry a line it's something exotic like Pikachu.
Again though just a thought, and to Billy's point, after a while revisions begin to bleed together no matter what you choose to do coming back to the poem after a few months will likely give you a better perspective.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
