05-10-2012, 07:05 PM
(v2.0- new middle stanza and general improvements)
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
animals cuddled and eaten, corpses litter-
workers' rights graveyards and gun-games
Internet humours human debris
consumption just a (sexual) part of us
materials all colours arranged-
paint ever-new designs and worlds...
with which a gathering fosters escape
safe from stark reality
not much a man is him apparently-
who stands alone dodging conflict
in, a big mix of fact and feeling,
tides turning and sweeping, things...
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
(end)
(v1.0 original)
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
animals cuddled and eaten, corpses litter-
workers' rights graveyards and gun-games
pieces of bodies comedied online
feminine image consumed, fully explored
not much a man is him, apparently-
who cowers and hides from conflicts
in, a big mix of logic and meaning,
tides turning and sweeping, things...
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
(end)
I'm not sure I should capitalize.. is it that important?
I really like this poem. But I want to run this theme of contradiction through it strong and clear.
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
animals cuddled and eaten, corpses litter-
workers' rights graveyards and gun-games
Internet humours human debris
consumption just a (sexual) part of us
materials all colours arranged-
paint ever-new designs and worlds...
with which a gathering fosters escape
safe from stark reality
not much a man is him apparently-
who stands alone dodging conflict
in, a big mix of fact and feeling,
tides turning and sweeping, things...
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
(end)
(v1.0 original)
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
animals cuddled and eaten, corpses litter-
workers' rights graveyards and gun-games
pieces of bodies comedied online
feminine image consumed, fully explored
not much a man is him, apparently-
who cowers and hides from conflicts
in, a big mix of logic and meaning,
tides turning and sweeping, things...
right this second-
bullets fly through a man
man and wife, man and man kiss, fuck
people ride an aeroplane above this
(end)
I'm not sure I should capitalize.. is it that important?
I really like this poem. But I want to run this theme of contradiction through it strong and clear.