Feral Cat

[Volaticus]

Matted, muddy tufts
Eyes piercing glass
I set my door ajar

This is only my fourth haiku. I'd love to know what you think, good or bad.

[Magpie]

Matted, muddy tufts
Eyes piercing glass
I set my door ajar

This is only my fourth haiku. I'd love to know what you think, good or bad.

Hi Volaticus,
I didn't expect a haiku so soon. I like this one, especially the first line with the alliteration, the second line also is a strong image. I'm not so sure about the last line but I'll need to read it a few more times, I think it's the word ajar but I can definitely see the direction and as a whole it makes sense.
One more thing... I read elsewhere on this site that it is considered old fashioned to start each line with a capital unless it is a word like 'I'. Until I read that I did start each line with a capital, but have since stopped. It would interesting to hear other peoples opinion.
Thanks for the read, for only your fourth haiku it is very good indeed.
All the best.
AR

[Volaticus]

Matted, muddy tufts
Eyes piercing glass
I set my door ajar

This is only my fourth haiku. I'd love to know what you think, good or bad.

Hi Volaticus,
I didn't expect a haiku so soon. I like this one, especially the first line with the alliteration, the second line also is a strong image. I'm not so sure about the last line but I'll need to read it a few more times, I think it's the word ajar but I can definitely see the direction and as a whole it makes sense.
One more thing... I read elsewhere on this site that it is considered old fashioned to start each line with a capital unless it is a word like 'I'. Until I read that I did start each line with a capital, but have since stopped. It would interesting to hear other peoples opinion.
Thanks for the read, for only your fourth haiku it is very good indeed.
All the best.
AR

Hi AR,
And I didn't expect feedback on this so soon. It's nice to be surprised
And thanks for your comments, as always much appreciated.
I'm a bit of a sucker for alliterations, so I'm glad you liked L1.
I also think L3 is the weakest. I know the perfect expression in Danish, but unfortunately it didn't translate well into English. I'm all open ears to suggestions regarding the last line.
Yeah, I have also read that. I also used to start all my lines with a capital letter, but since I read it, I try not to do it in my longer poems. In most shorter poems, I think both capital and non-capital letters works quite well.
Thanks, and all the best,
- LB

[Heartafire]

Matted, muddy tufts
Eyes piercing glass
I set my door ajar

This is only my fourth haiku. I'd love to know what you think, good or bad.

Hi Volaticus,
I didn't expect a haiku so soon. I like this one, especially the first line with the alliteration, the second line also is a strong image. I'm not so sure about the last line but I'll need to read it a few more times, I think it's the word ajar but I can definitely see the direction and as a whole it makes sense.
One more thing... I read elsewhere on this site that it is considered old fashioned to start each line with a capital unless it is a word like 'I'. Until I read that I did start each line with a capital, but have since stopped. It would interesting to hear other peoples opinion.
Thanks for the read, for only your fourth haiku it is very good indeed.
All the best.
AR

Hi AR,
And I didn't expect feedback on this so soon. It's nice to be surprised
And thanks for your comments, as always much appreciated.
I'm a bit of a sucker for alliterations, so I'm glad you liked L1.
I also think L3 is the weakest. I know the perfect expression in Danish, but unfortunately it didn't translate well into English. I'm all open ears to suggestions regarding the last line.
Yeah, I have also read that. I also used to start all my lines with a capital letter, but since I read it, I try not to do it in my longer poems. In most shorter poems, I think both capital and non-capital letters works quite well.
Thanks, and all the best,
- LB

Hi there, I love this. I particularly like the last line, ends on a little
soft humor. I too love alliteration and you have done a fine job with that in l1.
best,
Heart

[Volaticus]

Hi there, I love this. I particularly like the last line, ends on a little
soft humor. I too love alliteration and you have done a fine job with that in l1.
best,
Heart

Hi Heart,
Thank you very much, for your very kind comments. It makes me happy, that you enjoyed my poem.
Best to you too,
-LB

[Magpie]

Yeah I would say that Heart is right about the last line, now that I have read it a few times, I think the word ajar threw me because it is not used a lot and it also reminds of a joke people used to tell in school when I was about 7 years old "when is a door not a door? when it's ajar"
You should definitely write more haiku or senyru because you have obviously got a knack for it and that's just after writing four.
Thanks again.
AR

[Volaticus]

Yeah I would say that Heart is right about the last line, now that I have read it a few times, I think the word ajar threw me because it is not used a lot and it also reminds of a joke people used to tell in school when I was about 7 years old "when is a door not a door? when it's ajar"
You should definitely write more haiku or senyru because you have obviously got a knack for it and that's just after writing four.
Thanks again.
AR

I've also changed my mind about the last line. I think I'll keep it.
Haha, we also have those jokes in Danish. I loved them when I was a child.
And thank you for your kind encouragement. As a person who struggles a lot with my writing, it means a lot to me to hear than I'm not that bad after all. Thanks.
LB

[FayandFire]

Matted, muddy tufts
Eyes piercing glass
I set my door ajar

This is only my fourth haiku. I'd love to know what you think, good or bad.

I enjoyed reading this. I may be impartial because I have three cats so it hit home. I also really like the last line and I am glad you decided not to change it.

[Volaticus]

Matted, muddy tufts
Eyes piercing glass
I set my door ajar

This is only my fourth haiku. I'd love to know what you think, good or bad.

I enjoyed reading this. I may be impartial because I have three cats so it hit home. I also really like the last line and I am glad you decided not to change it.

Thank you, FayandFire, I am glad that you like it. I also have a soft spot for cats (I have two), they have so much personality, those little devils

[Volaticus]

Hi Volaticus..I like the haiku. The last line is a perfect juxtaposition. I disagree with the others about "ajar". It is precise and works well.

I do think you could afford to lose "matted" in L1.

Hi fogglethorpe,
Thanks for your kind words, I'm glad you like it. I appreciate your opinion about the first line, I just really like the alliteration. But I can see how the word is somehow redundant.
Thanks so much.
- LB

[serge gurkski]

Hi Louise,
I am very cautious comes it to poetic forms foreign to Danes and Germans just the same.
I like the topic of this haiku (?)
I read it simply as a poem.

And it works for me.

:-)

[Volaticus]

Hi Louise,
I am very cautious comes it to poetic forms foreign to Danes and Germans just the same.
I like the topic of this haiku (?)
I read it simply as a poem.

And it works for me.

:-)

Hi Serge,
I'm not sure if this is a haiku or senryu, or just a short poem.
I think I see it mostly as a short poem, since I'm not familiar with all the rules and techniques of haiku.
Thanks for reading and for your kind words, I'm glad it worked for you.
- Louise

[serge gurkski]

Hi Louise,
I am very cautious comes it to poetic forms foreign to Danes and Germans just the same.
I like the topic of this haiku (?)
I read it simply as a poem.

And it works for me.

:-)

Hi Serge,
I'm not sure if this is a haiku or senryu, or just a short poem.
I think I see it mostly as a short poem, since I'm not familiar with all the rules and techniques of haiku.
Thanks for reading and for your kind words, I'm glad it worked for you.
- Louise

yes, Louise: me neither. It is a fine short poem. I wonder if there is Japanese poet among us here at PP?

[Volaticus]

yes, Louise: me neither. It is a fine short poem. I wonder if there is Japanese poet among us here at PP?

Thanks, Serge
I don't know if there is, but it wouldn't surprise me with so many members.
Maybe they're just hiding?

[serge gurkski]

yes, Louise: me neither. It is a fine short poem. I wonder if there is Japanese poet among us here at PP?

Thanks, Serge
I don't know if there is, but it wouldn't surprise me with so many members.
Maybe they're just hiding?

;-)

イェス
Det er sandsynlig.

[Volaticus]

;-)

イェス
Det er sandsynlig.

Hehe. Google translate?

[serge gurkski]

;-))

yes but not all of it.
In case you use the Firefox browser
google: rikaichan. ,-)

Nifty!!

[Volaticus]

Ahh. That seems smart :-)
No, no Firefox ,-) I use Chrome.

[rowens]

I use a pencil.

Then I have to compromise...

So cool guys in Germany,

and hot dames in Denmark

can realize me.

When I'm drunk...


When I'm not drunk...

I mind my own business.


Except when my nondrunk girls come to survey my nondrunk habits.


We're not in the "For Fun" section are we?

I knew, dammit, something was wrong...before I even clicked on this.

[serge gurkski]

Ahh. That seems smart :-)
No, no Firefox ,-) I use Chrome.

Doesn't work with Chrome unfortunately. I only use firefox when I want to look up quickly some Hanzi or Kanji


I don't need it for Danish. ;-)

(a beautiful language btw and another one I can NOT speak.)
.