I'm a Duck With Alligator Fingers

[James]

Veiled in sapphire but paces in vermilion
Puzzled why my rust is your sprinkling stardust
A graveyard shifts, a rose meadow
Violets and never ending joy
why is all a toy

I'm a Duck
With Alligator fingers
You're a unicorn
With butterfly wings
Across the razor winds of night
Her wings grew without tear
Only she can still sway
With the swirls on a stone
That doesn't twirl

Em-blaze them all
With the flames of dark
Absent of color
The only to mirror
Me with a rod of reflection to
Pierce the absence

Our two drops of sweet for the pupil
Fall into the never changing pond
But yours is of a lighter tone
It drips gold
And veils cratered souls
And hides all thoughts of loving under the rock
And shields from the boars
Black town dust talk

But even with your glowing eyes
that paints all in a daffodil dye
this panel's rasp lit breath has zero reach to sing
Songs as explosive as the ones that fly from you
Or have unseen carriage rides
On a seven foot canoe
To say that this is really all mean
I know, that it is, and this really all is true

Let me know if you liked it, this was written in a happier time

[jkaram]

Hi James, thanks for sharing your poem. I can sense that this poem came from a happy place. While it has an upbeat, whimsical nature though, it has abstractions galore that are imho hard to tie together and to understand. Who the narrator (N) is and what the N is talking about is beyond my grasp after reading through the poem a few times in earnest. It's not that I don't appreciate the creativity that went into this poem, because I can tell you took time with writing it until it was just so, it's that the lines don't relate enough with each other, and ultimately to the reader. There's a sense of fantasy yes, but the story/metaphor/experience is unclear.

Also, it's not necessary to capitalize the first letter of each sentence. Your writing will be helped along by using punctuation as you usually would. Keep writing.

[James]

Hi James, thanks for sharing your poem. I can sense that this poem came from a happy place. While it has an upbeat, whimsical nature though, it has abstractions galore that are imho hard to tie together and to understand. Who the narrator (N) is and what the N is talking about is beyond my grasp after reading through the poem a few times in earnest. It's not that I don't appreciate the creativity that went into this poem, because I can tell you took time with writing it until it was just so, it's that the lines don't relate enough with each other, and ultimately to the reader. There's a sense of fantasy yes, but the story/metaphor/experience is unclear.

Also, it's not necessary to capitalize the first letter of each sentence. Your writing will be helped along by using punctuation as you usually would. Keep writing.

I'd hope it does, I wanted it too at least, to show while it is happy, there's still "something about it" if you catch my drift. And thanks for telling me about the capitalisation, I thought I always had to do that. Thank you for taking to the time to read, I'll be sure to bring more poems here.

[newsclippings]

"Your a unicorn" -- Did you mean "you're"?

This poem shows a lot of promise.

[James]

"Your a unicorn" -- Did you mean "you're"?

This poem shows a lot of promise.

Oh thank you, I did