(slight edit)Three Haiku

[Magpie]

slightly edited, but just a tiny bit

Springtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.

Unexpected breeze
raises a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.

Perched on the back fence,
three small Chaffinches listen
as I play guitar.

original

Springtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.

Unexpected breeze
whips up a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.

Three small Chaffinches
perched on the fence, listen to
my guitar playing.

[Brownlie]

Springtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.

Unexpected breeze
whips up a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.

Three small Chaffinches
perched on the fence, listen to
my guitar playing.

Haven't read to many Haikus but these seem pretty cool. Why write haikus? What is the aesthetic paradigm there?

[Magpie]

Haven't read to many Haikus but these seem pretty cool. Why write haikus? What is the aesthetic paradigm there?

Cheers for the comments brownlie I'm glad you thought they were pretty cool. pretty cool is all right in my book. As regards why write Haiku, well to be honest I thought I had been writing them for a while without really understanding certain aspects of the requirements of haiku, where in actual fact most of the time I was writing senyru even though I didn't know what they were. But moving away from all the rules, the appeal for me is managing to sum up perfectly a scene in just three lines, and when I manage to write good ones whether it be fluke or talent it's a good feeling. A lot of eastern poetry is in short form and some of my favourite poems are from that region. Check out some modern haiku on the thread about modernism and imagism, I posted some by Richard Wright and at times they say so much.
Cheers again.
I still need to get back to you about synchronicity but not tonight

[billy]

Springtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.
solid, and clever, i wasn't expecting the modern touch, well done

Unexpected breeze
whips up a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.
whips is more senryu i think, creates would be suggest (maybe i'm being too picky ) the last line has more than one meaning and makes a great cut.

Three small Chaffinches
perched on the fence, listen to
my guitar playing.
enjambment is usually only used before the cut and not as a poetic device as it seems to be here, (a suggest would be

Three small Chaffinches
listen while perched on the fence
i play my guitar)

you're getting really good at capturing the image AR enjoyed the three of them (they were pretty cool )

[Magpie]

Springtide aromas,
Peach Blossom, freshly cut grass,
petrol lawnmower.
solid, and clever, i wasn't expecting the modern touch, well done

Unexpected breeze
whips up a dusty frenzy
amid the Tulips.
whips is more senryu i think, creates would be suggest (maybe i'm being too picky ) the last line has more than one meaning and makes a great cut.

Three small Chaffinches
perched on the fence, listen to
my guitar playing.
enjambment is usually only used before the cut and not as a poetic device as it seems to be here, (a suggest would be

Three small Chaffinches
listen while perched on the fence
i play my guitar)

you're getting really good at capturing the image AR enjoyed the three of them (they were pretty cool )

thanks billy,
and thanks for info on enjambment, I wasn't aware of that so its good to know. These are actually the first new ones that I've wrote to post on here, all the others were written last year, but I seemed to have learnt so much in the past two weeks about them.
I posted a few of Richard Wright haikus on the modernism and imagism fight, I mean thread. 1st page
Thanks again for the pointers, much appreciated.
AR

[Magpie]

Slightly edited, but just ever so slightly

[Volaticus]

I think that your slight edit, is a definite improvement The images are sharp and clear.
I had to read the first one a few times, because the 'petrol lawnmower' threw me a bit. But after a few reads, I think it is a very refreshing haiku, I like the surprise in the last line.
Also, I like the ambiguity (is that the right word? I aimed for that is has different interpretations) of the second one.
I think they are all excellent.
Thanks for the read
-LB

[Magpie]

I think that your slight edit, is a definite improvement The images are sharp and clear.
I had to read the first one a few times, because the 'petrol lawnmower' threw me a bit. But after a few reads, I think it is a very refreshing haiku, I like the surprise in the last line.
Also, I like the ambiguity (is that the right word? I aimed for that is has different interpretations) of the second one.
I think they are all excellent.
Thanks for the read
-LB

Hi Volaticus,
Thanks for your comments, I'm glad you liked them. I'm still hoping that at some point I'll post some haiku and they won't need any edits. These are the first new haiku I've wrote and posted on here, all the others were from last year, but I'm back into writing them again. Thanks also for commenting on the rainbow picture thing, I tried to delete it yesterday because I wasn't very happy with it, but it wouldn't let me delete.
Thanks again for the comments
AR