words

[LittleAngel]

words

Of course conversation is good,
words can often make things right again.
But sometimes silence expresses more thanwords should-
Not that I want to complain.

Feelings are no words,
But words are all my thoughts.
I can't see them,
but they are in my head like a big crowd.

I can't get rid of them,
can't run away,
and I'm not sure if it's good or bad,
but they will always stay.

You ask me how I am,
and I don't know what to say.
There are a lot things to tell,
but it seems that there is something in my way.

I don't know what to do,
because there is no word in my mind,
expressing what I want to.

So I can't tell you with words,
but I won't ignore your look.

Words can lie,
but we feel the truth.
Even if we first seem to believe it-
deep down we need no proof.

Words can mean so much,
if they are innocent or true.
But they can also be just words,
for example if they come from you.

[tectak]

Hi little and welcome.
You have written some words. That is all. You have some accidental rhymes which you may think qualifies this as an accidental poem. It does not. This is serious crit, so here goes.

words

Of course conversation is good,
words can often make things right again.
But sometimes silence expresses more thanwords should-
Not that I want to complain.The flow and meter do not make this a poetic stanza.You make isolated points that do not gel with each other. You spit the lines in a non-sensical way which makes it all the more difficult for you to see where you are going wrong. This is what you wrote. " Of course conversation is good,words can often make things right again.
But sometimes silence expresses more thanwords should-Not that I want to complain."
Forget the useless dash. Just two lines out of four with end rhymes. "Again", "complain". Why not make it TWO lines. Check the meter. Make it work. Just a suggestion below. It says almost the same thing but with flow, meter and rhyme. Do you see that?
"Of course conversation is good, words make things right again;
but silence could say more than words, not that I want to complain"

Feelings are no words,
But words are all my thoughts.
I can't see them,
but they are in my head like a big crowd.This is a nonsense verse. It says absolutely nothing in a very convincing way. It is is saying " I don't know what I am talking about" All is opinion. I would ditch this stanza, clear my thinking, and try to link concisely to the first TWO lines.

I can't get rid of them,
can't run away,
and I'm not sure if it's good or bad,
but they will always stay. Try:
I can't get rid of the words, inside my head they stay.
For good or bad they're in me, and I can't run away.

Your poem. So now you have:

Of course conversation is good, words make things right again;
but silence could say more than words. Not that I want to complain.
I can't get rid of the words, inside my head they stay.
For good or bad they're in me, and I can't run away.

This is your first stanza. The rest is up to you.

You ask me how I am,
and I don't know what to say.
There are a lot things to tell,
but it seems that there is something in my way. Try it on this stanza and the next. I have to say, though, that you are becoming repetitive. You are saying a whole lot of nothing for someone who doesn't know what to say. You should consider shortening the whole piece so that you can handle it. It is like trying to push string as it is.

I don't know what to do,
because there is no word in my mind,
expressing what I want to.

So I can't tell you with words,
but I won't ignore your look.Yes. boring now. Ho hum. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Words can lie,
but we feel the truth.
Even if we first seem to believe it-
deep down we need no proof.This is a superflous cliche. Much worse than just a cliche. Naively expressed pseudo-truisms are ten-a-penny. There's one for nothing.

Words can mean so much,
if they are innocent or true.
But they can also be just words,
for example if they come from you.No. Weak and inconclusive. A sporadic ending almost reeking of desperation...straight from a Valentine Card.

Well, you have much to do. This is a "poem" written because you thought you could. You had no idea what the end point was and navigated down alternative routes just hoping to find somewhere to put your feet up. The last line could just as easily have been: "As an example, if written in lipstick inside a public loo". In fact, that's not to bad, relatively speaking.
Edit this severely and DECIDE in advance what you want to say...then, and here's a tip...say it.
Best,
Keep writing. Repost this. Choose your forum. Maybe mild.
tectak

[Todd]

Hi, I have moved your post because we require that you post a critique to someone else's poem first before posting one of your own poems in the critique forums./admin