It's Actually Happening

[matthewcattie]

It's Actually Happening


Raindrops fall to cool the asphalt
My feet are bare; let’s go for a walk
Flowers duck and hide from the clouds
I miss having you around
Keep me up and on my feet
Our favorite song is on repeat
Let’s slow dance the night away
And stand outside in the rain

The sun came down and warmed us all
We were not ready or prepared to fall
You pulled me up and said
‘It’s all just in your head’
Thoughts leak in through clouded rooms
The flower is in full bloom
So let’s dance fast and have some fun
And play outside in the sun.

It’s actually happening
I can feel it in my blood


www.facebook.com/matthewcattie

[jkaram]

Hi Matthew,

While your poem contains sweet thoughts, it 's unlikely to be of much interest to others outside the two that it refers to. Love, flowers and clouds go nicely together, but these themes/analogies have been used many times before. Whe writing poetry try to think of the reader's experience, and to show in unique (though not abstract) ways your ideas. Unfortunely, here there is not enough of that, not enough substance for the reader, but certainly for a romantic partner.

[matthewcattie]

Hi Matthew,

While your poem contains sweet thoughts, it 's unlikely to be of much interest to others outside the two that it refers to. Love, flowers and clouds go nicely together, but these themes/analogies have been used many times before. Whe writing poetry try to think of the reader's experience, and to show in unique (though not abstract) ways your ideas. Unfortunely, here there is not enough of that, not enough substance for the reader, but certainly for a romantic partner.

Hi! Thank you for your reply. I actually wrote this song about marijuana. I guess it doesn't come off as well as I thought. :/

[Bunx]

yo matt! i like this poem! it reminds me of those nights at dead hipster dance party and the countless after show stay up intill you driving to the next city. this poem is alot of fun. I like the juxtaposition between the retreating of nature and the spirit of adventure. thanks for the poem

[jkaram]

yo matt! i like this poem! it reminds me of those nights at dead hipster dance party and the countless after show stay up intill you driving to the next city. this poem is alot of fun. I like the juxtaposition between the retreating of nature and the spirit of adventure. thanks for the poem

Oh! Now I feel silly, no I dif't get that at all. Maybe just a little tweaking here and there to get that idea across- some bigger clues for those of us who aren't so quick!