The Hideout Lounge.

[Bunx]

So your telling me I go
from a hundred bucks,
to shucks.

I just promoted
the dopest of movements.
A Band I was in
back then.

Now...
I'm not getting anything
again?

What in the ducks
is in your murky pond.
Full of wheat and shit.

I don't give a fuck about
that bar,
or the amazing people
inside of it.

Because of you,
charlie,
you unicorn.

Get some real juice.

[Brownlie]

So your telling me I go
from a hundred bucks,
to shucks.

I just promoted,
the dopest of movements.
a Band I was in
back then.

and now...
im not getting anything
again?

what in the ducks
is in your merky pond.
Full of wheat and shit.

I don't give a fuck about
that bar
or the amazing people
inside of it.

because of you,
charlie,
you unicorn.

get some real juice.

I think a whole poem about Charlie the Unicorn and using the phenomenon as an extended metaphor could be interesting

[Bunx]

hahaha thanks! charlie is pretty nice to those damn kids

[UnicornRainbowCake]

It is not critique as such - but before you post, it is worth proof reading your poem for grammar and punctuation - it is only basic things, wrong use of your, capitals at the start of sentences, etc.

I like the personality that comes through, it is a short poem yet you have established a good character. I would say though that your line breaks seem a little erratic to me.

[Bunx]

yes thanks alot Ms Rainbow. meter and grammar have been hard for me to get a grasp on in poetry. as well as how it is read with said punctuation. would you suggest using more commas?

[UnicornRainbowCake]

Run through it, capitalise the start of sentences, correct that 'I'm' that you've left there

If anything I'd take some commas out. Take this sentence:

I just promoted, the dopest of movements.
And then: I just promoted the dopest of movements.

Without the comma the sentence makes more sense - so I'd take it out. Look at your sentences separately, if they make sense great, if they don't then adjust until they do.