Novice Jive

[Bunx]

EDIT 2
What, You ask is the meaning of jive?
Hog wash, moshing and, staying alive?

What? You ask is the novice jive?
Sexy Jesus, getting all ruckus on a herd
of rock and roll chickens? Bak?

What you ask is the meaning of love?
Love is a ruckus Jive, reflecting beauty
from the sky above.

Gals, soaring above the rest. Taking
bread from duck is their sole test.
Camping in the pond, baby geese
like to honk the tonk. The ducks
waddle the butt shaking walk.

Gals squawk in the eyes of the geese, but the
mama geese said, "hey, gal get away, I'm a ducking geese."

Jeeze, the gal thought. Time to swamp the three children
holding grain. Here the children wait for the rain.
Plain and simply running though the softly rippling
puddles I glide though on my bike. Twenty to thirty
my average, eh tike.

Water is for everyone geese,
or not. Seagulls share that water,
before they meet the constant hungry bread stare.
Ducks keep waddling. Geese keep honking.

Well, I'll keep jiving.

[Volaticus]

What? you ask, terribly is the meaning of jive. This line sounds off to me.
Hog wash, moshing and, staying alive?

What? You ask is the novice jive?
Sexy jesus, getting all rukus on a herd Unless I'm missing something, I think the 'j' in 'jesus' should be capitalized.
of rock and roll chickens? Bak?

What you ask is the meaning of love? You haven't got a question mark after 'What' like you have in the above stanzas. Another suggestion could be "What", you ask, "is the meaning of love?"
Love is a rukus Jive, reflecting beauty
from the sky above.

Gals, soaring above the rest. Taking
bread from duck is their sole test.
Camping in the pond filled park, there the baby Should 'there' be 'where'?
geese like to honk the tonk. The ducks
waddle the butt shaking walk.

Gals squawk in the eyes of the geese, but the
mama geese said, "hey, gal get away, I'm a ucking geese." Did you mean to write 'ucking'?

Jeeze! the gal thought time to swamp the three children Difficult to read, because of lack of proper punctuation.
holding grain. Here the children wait for the rain.
Plain and simply running though the softly rippling
puddles I glide though on my bike. Twenty to third
my average, eh tike.

Water is for everyone geese or not. Seagulls even Perhaps a comma after 'everyone'?
share that water, before they meet the hungry bread stare.
Ducks keep waddling. Geese keep honking.

Well, ill keep jiving. 'I'll'

Hi Bunx,
I've written a few suggestions. As always, just my humble opinion, to be discarded or used at will.
Best,
LB

[Bunx]

Thanks Vol(tron defender of the universe)
took your advise there was changed to where. and ucking was deliberate (uck! geese poo)

---

hopefully the poem reads a bit better

[Volaticus]

Thanks Vol(tron defender of the universe)
took your advise there was changed to where. and ucking was deliberate (uck! geese poo)

---

hopefully the poem reads a bit better

It does read better now

[R.C. KITCHENS]

EDIT 1
What? You ask is the meaning of jive.
This line above reads awkwardly. maybe "You ask what the meaning of jive is. It is hog wash, moshing and staying alive.
Hog wash, moshing and, staying alive?

What? You ask is the novice jive?
Sexy Jesus, getting all rukus on a herd
of rock and roll chickens? Bak?
I don't believe "ruckus" is used properly here.
Also a misspelling.
What you ask is the meaning of love?
Love is a rukus Jive, reflecting beauty
from the sky above.

Gals, soaring above the rest. Taking
bread from duck is their sole test.
Camping in the pond filled park,
I'd say you could just use "camping in the pond"
where the baby
geese like to honk the tonk. The ducks
waddle the butt shaking walk.

Gals squawk in the eyes of the geese, but the
mama geese said, "hey, gal get away, I'm a ucking geese."
uckling?
Jeeze, the gal thought. Time to swamp the three children
holding grain. Here the children wait for the rain.
Plain and simply running though the softly rippling you dont need softly
puddles I glide though on my bike. Twenty to third
my average, eh tike. don't understand this, "twenty to third my average"

Water is for everyone geese,
I'd probably say "Geese, water is for everyone"
or not. Seagulls even"even" isn't needed
share that water, before they meet the hungry bread stare.
doesn't make sense. "before they meet the hungry bird stare"
seems like there should be something before it.
Ducks keep waddling. Geese keep honking.

Well, I'll keep jiving.

Really interesting. But, very hard to get what your trying to say entirely.

[Bunx]

EDIT 2
What, You ask is the meaning of jive?
Hog wash, moshing and, staying alive?

What? You ask is the novice jive?
Sexy Jesus, getting all rukus on a herd
of rock and roll chickens? Bak?

What you ask is the meaning of love?
Love is a ruckus Jive, reflecting beauty
from the sky above.

Gals, soaring above the rest. Taking
bread from duck is their sole test.
Camping in the pond, baby geese
like to honk the tonk. The ducks
waddle the butt shaking walk.

Gals squawk in the eyes of the geese, but the
mama geese said, "hey, gal get away, I'm a ducking geese."

Jeeze, the gal thought. Time to swamp the three children
holding grain. Here the children wait for the rain.
Plain and simply running though the softly rippling
puddles I glide though on my bike. Twenty to thirty
my average, eh tike.

Water is for everyone geese,
or not. Seagulls share that water,
before they meet the constant hungry bread stare.
Ducks keep waddling. Geese keep honking.

Well, I'll keep jiving.

---

RC i like the edits your have shown above, all where taken with consideration