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in a cloak of fallen leaves
spring, summer, fall
forgotten
'Real' haiku may only contain one kigo (season word).
But it is permissible for haiku to contain the actual words
that represent other kigo as long as the writer has made it
possible for the reader to logically determine which one
is the real kigo. This can be made obvious (as above), or,
in the case of riddles, one that can only be revealed by
using complex reasoning combined with head pounding.
(I'm still trying to find/make one of the latter.)
Feel free to try.
And, as always, haiku poem responses and creative rambling that
has nothing to do with the above poem (but remains within the
topic of haiku) are not only welcome, but highly encouraged.)
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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This is a gem rayhenrich, you have a wonderful flair for the exotic. I have forsaken the criteria regarding Kigo and syllables. I left a senryu at another forum and to my surprise someone picked up on it and began a senryu train that now has nearly 40,000 posts in my thread. This was my initial senryu that initiated the train:
One Breath
Spill your silver stars
for my ears a golden moon
heady heart murmurs
It think it would be fun to have a haiku/senryu train here. I am most impressed with your writing and think this is
one of the loveliest haiku I have read.
My best,
Heart
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stars and meadow and fireflies and moon
-
busy night
kigo (season word) in haiku above:
firefly -> mid summer
moon -> all autumn
Sure, you're supposed to have only one kigo. The bitch is that once I put a damn 'moon' in
my f'ing 'ku I can't have no fireflies!! And there are about 16,000 other things I can't
put in it. (Though most kigo lists stop at 500 to 2,000. The 'The Nihon Dai Saijiki (kigo list)
lists some 16,000 season words along with their emotional, social, religious, etc. etc. connotations.
For instance:
'soak to the bone' (a kigo for all of autumn) means felt to (or from) the bottom of the heart.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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Just staring out on the road to learning haiku & senyru
Heart particularly enjoyed your senryu train starter.
Ray your offering is one that can be read over with pleasure many times.
Not sure what the rules of a senyru train are (could you explain if there are any, sounds interesting)
meanwhile an attempted offering from me:
Passing equinox
A ripening barley crop
A new hair cut
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(07-20-2013, 05:47 AM)cidermaid Wrote: Just staring out on the road to learning haiku & senyru
Heart particularly enjoyed your senryu train starter.
Ray your offering is one that can be read over with pleasure many times.
Not sure what the rules of a senyru train are (could you explain if there are any, sounds interesting)
meanwhile an attempted offering from me:
Passing equinox
A ripening barley crop
A new hair cut
I like that. Especially the crisp connection of hair cut and harvesting barley.
I didn't know what a senryu train was either. Heartafire knows but
she's not back yet so I looked around. Evidently the next person
takes the last line of the previous senryu and uses it for the first
line of theirs. Here are three stolen from some where:
life, death and rebirth
earth; a temporary home
peaceful home not known
peaceful home not known
so look inside, look inside
the page is still now
the page is still now
gathered dust in centrefold
crisis rests in peace
etc. etc. etc.
Heartafire had suggested that it alternate senryu - haiku - senryu etc.
but, pending her approval, I think people should write whichever
they want to (it's hard to tell the difference most of the time anyway).
The other thing I'd change is that instead of repeating the last line
as the first, we need to use two big words of our choosing from the
previous poem. (I.e. Using 'the', 'is', 'in', 'a', etc., is frowned upon;
but, is up to the individual.) I like the extra freedom this would give, but
think, since the poems are so small, that using two words would
still provide a satisfying connection. Also anyone who wanted to
could keep a bit of the theme from the last one to increase the
connection of meaning. Again, totally optional, but people who
did it would get a few non-existent 'cool' points when they
succeeded.
But enough jabber...
Rules:
1. Use 2 major words from the poem before.
2. Echo a bit of the subject from the last one IF you want to.
3. Use a TINY 2 to 4 line poem which can be haiku or senryu or
whatever you damn please (the two and four line are for anyone
who wants to go crazy and put in a bit of rhyme).
4. If two people get crossed up since they're posting at the same time,
the next person should choose one of them and go from there.
.
.
.
.
.
(07-20-2013, 05:47 AM)cidermaid Wrote: Passing equinox
A ripening barley crop
A new hair cut
equinox
our hippie earth mother
growing her hair long again
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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Rules:
1. Use 2 major words from the one before.
2. Echo a bit of the subject from the last one IF you want to.
3. Use a TINY 2 to 4 line poem which can be haiku or senryu or
whatever you damn please (the two and four line are for anyone
that wants to go crazy and put in a bit of rhyme).
Passing equinox
A ripening barley crop
A new hair cut
equinox
our hippie earth mother
growing her hair long again
Outdated sundial
mother's herb garden
flowers in her hair.
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(07-20-2013, 07:31 AM)cidermaid Wrote: Rules:
1. Use 2 major words from the one before.
2. Echo a bit of the subject from the last one IF you want to.
3. Use a TINY 2 to 4 line poem which can be haiku or senryu or
whatever you damn please (the two and four line are for anyone
that wants to go crazy and put in a bit of rhyme).
Passing equinox
A ripening barley crop
A new hair cut
equinox
our hippie earth mother
growing her hair long again
Outdated sundial
mother's herb garden
flowers in her hair.
UPDATE:
I just moved the game over to poetry for fun.
Please head over there to play. 
P.S. Very good subject echo. Will add yours to the first set.
Also intend to put authors in the first set soon.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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in a cloak of fallen leaves
spring, summer, fall
forgotten
Beautiful, no doubt which is the primary kigo. In my opinion, it doesn't get more haiku than this!
Possibly, it is a little unclear where the pivotal point is. Maybe you could add a hyphen or a colon to emphasise a shift in images. Also, I would capitalise the first letter in accordance with general grammar rules.
I don't know if it is acceptable to place the hyphen, colon, etc. on L3 instead of L1/L2. But if it is, I would put it like this:
In a cloak of fallen leaves
spring, summer, fall
- forgotten
Once again, thank you for the lovely read!
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I rather like this poem, the only thing I would critique would be to have the first line and title not be the same. That's completely up to you since this is your poem, but that is just my input. Hope this helped in any way, thanks for the good read 
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(09-22-2013, 08:01 AM)Malu Wrote: I rather like this poem, the only thing I would critique would be to have the first line and title not be the same. That's completely up to you since this is your poem, but that is just my input. Hope this helped in any way, thanks for the good read
Haiku don't have titles; that's just the first line you see twice.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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"'Real' haiku" are written in Japanese.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(09-22-2013, 10:30 PM)Erthona Wrote: "'Real' haiku" are written in Japanese.
Dale
本当の俳句
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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vertically
D
a
l
e
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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ah so
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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