Not Knowing

[sparklenatasha]

I will never remember what happened,
That day, night?
It was morning,
Just broken.
Like the first morning,
Sunlit from hell.

So much of it is scorched from memory,
But these are the things I do remember:

The taint of rum and coke,
From the night before,
A weary feeling, fuzzy
Almost slumber,
But this was not a dream.

A desire to stop, fierce
Yet barely an attempt
At fighting against it
With words or limbs.

Thoughts buried, magma like
Trying to surface,
But no amount of pressure is enough.

Mind trapped, disconnected
Or rather, a hundred steps behind
Frantically trying to catch up,
Like scrabbling in quicksand.

A lack of control,
An inability to stop time moving forward,
Wheels are in motion,
But I'm not driving.

A flash of your face,
Primal, knowing,
You look as out of control as I feel.

Finally,
Whatever is forcing you,
Forcing me,
Makes an exit. Snap.

A sharp intake of breath
After a period of arrest.
Exhale.

The free flow of tears,
Clean upon the filth,
Confusion, disbelief,
The foetal position adopted.

An apology,
I remember that,
Just not what for.

The shower, not cleansing.
The searching madly
for details, knowing
If I can't remember now,
I never will.

I'm left with fragments,
Sharp, piercing, missing.
I'm left with chasms,
Stretching, consuming,
Reaping my self worth.

Desperately wanting to heal,
I have scars,
But I don't know what cut me,
Is the truth more painful,
than not knowing the truth?

[spazzica]

I like how some lines are just one or two words long. I like that in a poem, but it seems that since the whole poem is written with very short lines, the smaller statements aren't as powerful. I just mean if you had some longer lines and highlighted the more important words by putting them down on a separate line, it would read a bit easier. Overall, I think it just needs some formatting

[jdguyb]

I will never remember what happened,
That day, night?
It was morning,
Just broken.
Like the first morning,
Sunlit from hell. its almost like you set the rhythm here but its inconsistent

So much of it is scorched from memory,
But these are the things I do remember:

The taint of rum and coke,
From the night before,
A weary feeling, fuzzy
Almost slumber,
But this was not a dream. this line seems random

A desire to stop, fierce
Yet barely an attempt
At fighting against it
With words or limbs. I like this stanza

Thoughts buried, magma like
Trying to surface,
But no amount of pressure is enough.I like the connection between magma and pressure

Mind trapped, disconnected
Or rather, a hundred steps behind
Frantically trying to catch up,
Like scrabbling in quicksand.what is your mind catching up from?

A lack of control,
An inability to stop time moving forward,
Wheels are in motion,
But I'm not driving.this is a nice stanza, no capitol w on wheels though

A flash of your face,
Primal, knowing,
You look as out of control as I feel.

Finally,
Whatever is forcing you,
Forcing me,
Makes an exit. Snap.

A sharp intake of breath
After a period of arrest.
Exhale.

The free flow of tears,
Clean upon the filth,
Confusion, disbelief,
The foetal position adopted.

An apology,
I remember that,
Just not what for. these few stanza's seem random I cant capture the meaning

The shower, not cleansing.
The searching madly
for details, knowing
If I can't remember now,
I never will.

I'm left with fragments,
Sharp, piercing, missing.
I'm left with chasms,
Stretching, consuming,
Reaping my self worth.

Desperately wanting to heal,
I have scars,
But I don't know what cut me,
Is the truth more painful,
than not knowing the truth?the last two stanzas really wrap up the poem, I just wish I could grasp the meaning strongly like I do in these two stanzas with the rest of the poem

It seems like a bunch random flashy words. Its hard to grasp the message your trying to convey. maybe reduce the complexity of the poem and make it simple message to convey.