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The American Dream
You're unimportant; nothing more than a number.
You're irrelevant; indifferent from one another.
Mayhem in the moment - You've been beaten.
Breathe in the silence - Surrender your freedom.
The American Dream - The path of sorrows.
The American Dream - The end of tomorrow.
- Robbie Reaper
![[Image: American-Dream.jpg]](http://www.classesandcareers.com/education/wp-content/uploads/American-Dream.jpg)
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(08-12-2013, 11:14 AM)Robbie Reaper Wrote: The American Dream
You're unimportant; nothing more than a number.
You're irrelevant; indifferent from one another.
Mayhem in the moment - You've been beaten.
Breathe in the silence - Surrender your freedom.
The American Dream - The path of sorrows.
The American Dream - The end of tomorrow.
- Robbie Reaper
I agree that the poem is full of cliches, however, I did enjoy it. I like the simpleness of it and the flow. Your rhyming is a little bit off, but that can be ignored. I think you can definitely expand on this. Not sure if you want critique haha.
Posts: 12
Threads: 3
Joined: Jul 2013
Like your drift Robbie, well worth further work in my inexpert opinion. Needs to be said, same here in the UK.
Posts: 8
Threads: 10
Joined: Jun 2013
(08-13-2013, 12:11 AM)fogglethorpe Wrote: (08-12-2013, 11:14 AM)Robbie Reaper Wrote: You're unimportant; nothing more than a number.
You're irrelevant; indifferent from one another.
Mayhem in the moment - You've been beaten.
Breathe in the silence - Surrender your freedom.
The American Dream - The path of sorrows.
The American Dream - The end of tomorrow.
The photo is obnoxious..maybe due to its size?
As for the poem..it is full of platitudes, clichés, and generalities. I would have liked to see you explore the subject matter a little more deeply.
I agree. The photo is huge! Perhaps I should resize it and upload a smaller copy...
(08-13-2013, 03:22 AM)StevieFinn Wrote: Like your drift Robbie, well worth further work in my inexpert opinion. Needs to be said, same here in the UK.
Steve,
Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it. And you're right, the truth needs to come out.
(08-13-2013, 12:17 AM)TheWall0912 Wrote: (08-12-2013, 11:14 AM)Robbie Reaper Wrote: The American Dream
You're unimportant; nothing more than a number.
You're irrelevant; indifferent from one another.
Mayhem in the moment - You've been beaten.
Breathe in the silence - Surrender your freedom.
The American Dream - The path of sorrows.
The American Dream - The end of tomorrow.
- Robbie Reaper
I agree that the poem is full of cliches, however, I did enjoy it. I like the simpleness of it and the flow. Your rhyming is a little bit off, but that can be ignored. I think you can definitely expand on this. Not sure if you want critique haha.
One thing I don't like is how almost anything anyone writes eventually becomes cliche. I will agree that there are some sayings that are without a doubt cliche. However, I feel like once someone writes something (original) and a few people copy the idea, then bam! It becomes cliche. And in all honesty, that greatly hinders the writing process. Yes, there will be writers who strive to be original and not use cliches. However, if almost anything a poet writes will eventually become cliche, I feel that will stifle creativity. Anyway, thank you for enjoying the poem. Yes, I agree with you. (It is a simple poem). And I may continue this poem. No, I don't mind the critique. Haha.
Thanks,
Robbie Reaper
