Zero Resistance

[TheWall0912]

The glass,
full of devil's water,
sitting within arm's length,
taunting me again.
My conscience tries
desperately
to convince me to stop,
temptation wins.

I take another sip.

I've lied to myself
many times,
by skipping meetings
and cheating.
Thinking I can mask my thirst,
eager to have a taste,
forcing me to raise the glass
to my lips and drink.

I take another sip.

I leave the bar,
stumbling.
Heading home in a drunken haze
a state familiar to me.
I fumble with keys,
miss the hole twice.
It's pathetic,
what's left of my life.

I take another sip.

Before finding the bed
I fall,
crashing to the floor,
fast.
It's difficult now
to keep my eyes open,
so I let them close
for good.

[The Jester]

I like this very much, the story of addiction often gets overplayed but I think you've managed to make this original.

"I've lied to myself
many times,"
Simple, yet effective, I think those few words speak volumes and supports the tone of the piece nicely.

Great visuals produced from this, there's no cryptic metaphors to contend with, making this write all the more believable and easy to relate to

I can't find a thing to pick at. I wouldn't change a thing.

[animasrwm]

Really enjoyed this. I liked the emotion that comes through the words. Simple,effective and thought provoking. Not pretentious. Good job

[Malu]

The glass,
full of devil's water,
sitting within arm's length,
taunting me again.I think you should add a few lines here about how exactly it taunts you, staring at you, making funny faces? And such, that would also tie into how drunk you are becoming, the more you drink the more crazily that glass dances
My conscience tries
desperately What else? Maybe add more about how hard exactly your conscience tries, possibly make a metaphor for us to fathom so we can understand the context and relate
to convince me to stop,
temptation wins.

I take another sip.

I've lied to myself
many times,
by skipping meetings
and cheating. Good examples of how drinking is having a negative impact, however, a lot of poems about fighting alcoholism deal with how it messes up regular life, "cheating" relationships, "meetings" jobs. Give a more personal experience to differentiate this poem from the others.
Thinking I can mask my thirst, Clever, I enjoyed this line
eager to have a taste,
forcing me to raise the glass
to my lips and drink. Maybe you could talk about struggling to keep your glass still, maybe you spill a bit when you drink. I think that adding something like that would better show the progression of your drinking, while reiterating the key points of the previous lines.

I take another sip.

I leave the bar,
stumbling.
Heading home in a drunken haze
a state familiar to me. Good personal connection
I fumble with keys,
miss the hole twice.
I think you could add struggle(s) you experience, other than stumbling and fumbling. Describe what your senses are doing, how numb are you to the cold night? What do the buildings look like while intoxicated? Maybe you could touch on other personal issues with this as metaphors and personification. Perhaps business buildings are laughing at you for how your career is going. Or a florist shop is burning up in flames, symbolizing what your love life has become. Things like that
It's pathetic,
what's left of my life.

I take another sip.

Before finding the bed
I fall,
crashing to the floor,
fast.
It's difficult now
to keep my eyes open,
so I let them close
for good. Strong ending

I enjoyed this poem, I made a few comments/suggestions, hope they help

[FractalPacifist]

This was a good read! I haven't experienced addiction myself, so I can't say whether this is a good portrayal, but this still makes mefeel like I can relate.

I added some line-by-line comments as well.

The glass,
full of devil's water,
sitting within arm's length,
taunting me again.
My conscience tries
desperately
to convince me to stop,
temptation wins.

I take another sip. love the repetition of this.

I've lied to myself
many times,
by skipping meetings
and cheating.
Thinking I can mask my thirst,
eager to have a taste, what does it taste like? could be interesting way to add a little more scenery.
forcing me to raise the glass
to my lips and drink.

I take another sip.

I leave the bar,
stumbling.
Heading home in a drunken haze
a state familiar to me. this line felt stuttery to me. Perhaps phrase it differently? "an all too familiar state" or something like that.
I fumble with keys,
miss the hole twice.
It's pathetic,
what's left of my life. Nice assonance between twice/life.

I take another sip.

Before finding the bed
I fall,
crashing to the floor,
fast. It's interesting that this reads slow, even though the crashing is done quickly. Kinda adds more to the drunken feeling.
It's difficult now
to keep my eyes open,
so I let them close
for good. death? I was surprised... not what I was expecting.

[Intricate B]

Deep..
As a lot of good poets
With something to say,
The words seem driven by
Drug of choice..
Mine?
What have you got?
Until that fall,
That leads to evacuation soul..