Just a Man

[Malu]

Caress from the sun
Story told by the breeze
Melody sung by the sea
Whispers echoed through the valley
Nurturing me

[billy]

hi malu.
the 1st line is pretty much cliche. [the Cascades had a hit with Rhythm of the Rain.] in such a short poem any cliche is one too much.
cries of the forest might just escape being cliche.
beside that the poem though short doesn't have a single image.

the line of lyrics to the song above is
"Listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain"
which hold an image a certain type of rain, how it creates noise etc. it can be pictured.
so can your first line but the reader has to create the image. the poet needs to write the image image down so the reader sees what they see.

the question the reader wants to know of each of the 1st 4 lines is; what kind or type?

Rhythm of the rain
Cries of the forest
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nature created me

the last line can be said much better in many ways.

[Malu]

Good points, thanks for the feedback, let me give this one some more attention

[Volaticus]

Warmth of the sun
Story of the breeze
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nurturing me

I can see (from a previous comment) that you've made an edit on this. You could keep the original in the top post and just add your edit at the top of it, it makes it easier to compare them.
About the poem.. I feel there are to many "of the" in this short poem. For me, the poem would come to life more without the repetition. Mix up the lines a bit.
Just my personal opinion, for you to use or discard as you see fit.

[milo]

Warmth of the sun
Story of the breeze
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nurturing me

I can see (from a previous comment) that you've made an edit on this. You could keep the original in the top post and just add your edit at the top of it, it makes it easier to compare them.
About the poem.. I feel there are to many "of the" in this short poem. For me, the poem would come to life more without the repetition. Mix up the lines a bit.
Just my personal opinion, for you to use or discard as you see fit.

This is pretty good observation. I had read an article about how poison the word "of" s in poetry. Can't remember the name but the jist was pretty much avoid the word if you can, it is the destroyer of poetry.

[billy]

Warmth of the sun
Story of the breeze
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nurturing me

it seems you like using song titles
apart from being a bigger cliche, warmth of the sun is the title of a Beach Boys song (though not a very good one )
in short poems every word and image has to count.

[Malu]

Warmth of the sun
Story of the breeze
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nurturing me

I can see (from a previous comment) that you've made an edit on this. You could keep the original in the top post and just add your edit at the top of it, it makes it easier to compare them.
About the poem.. I feel there are to many "of the" in this short poem. For me, the poem would come to life more without the repetition. Mix up the lines a bit.
Just my personal opinion, for you to use or discard as you see fit.

That is good input, I think the style of repetition can be effective but mixing things up definitely doesn't hurt! Thanks for the feedback

---

Warmth of the sun
Story of the breeze
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nurturing me

I can see (from a previous comment) that you've made an edit on this. You could keep the original in the top post and just add your edit at the top of it, it makes it easier to compare them.
About the poem.. I feel there are to many "of the" in this short poem. For me, the poem would come to life more without the repetition. Mix up the lines a bit.
Just my personal opinion, for you to use or discard as you see fit.

This is pretty good observation. I had read an article about how poison the word "of" s in poetry. Can't remember the name but the jist was pretty much avoid the word if you can, it is the destroyer of poetry.

Did not know that, thanks! I'll do my best to keep that in mind

---

Warmth of the sun
Story of the breeze
Melody of the sea
Whispers of the valley
Nurturing me

it seems you like using song titles
apart from being a bigger cliche, warmth of the sun is the title of a Beach Boys song (though not a very good one )
in short poems every word and image has to count.

I did not even notice that one haha, the only Beach Boys song I know is California girls haha, thanks again!