I loved you

[Sonata]

This poem is dedicated to the woman I loved, until I recently found out that everything was a charade, and I, the fool, believed in the whole lie.


Your reflection in a mirror is empty,
and a despicable taste of your love
on my lips I reject,
for it is a lie.
Goodbye

[newsclippings]

This is almost comical when I read it. I'm sorry if it wasn't intended that way or if it offends you.

But I read it in a diluted old English accent in the demeanor of an offended French-man.

[Erthona]

Yeah, I have to agree with star girl, it does seem to make the speaker seem vainglorious, which I think is not what you were going for, but come on.

"Your reflection in a mirror is empty" major cliche

and

"a despicable taste of your love" "despicable" who is talking here Sylvester the cat? And should it not be "the" despicable taste, instead of "a"?

Sorry, but it's hard to take this seriously.

Dale

[bena]

Sonata, I know you are in serious pain. What you need to do, despite causing yourself more pain, is to dig down deep, rip off your skin and cut down to the bone and THEN write what you feel. I know it hurts, but the result will be beautiful art.

just a suggestion from someone whose been there,

mel/bena

[Sonata]

Thank you all

Bena thank you for understanding all this.



Sometimes you need a major cliche in life.

[ChristopherSea]

Sorry, it takes what seems like forever to mend a broken heart. Use poetry to vent, cleanse, renew.
You poem seems to hold back. Just playing with your poem and thinking of one of my lost loves:

Your reflection in my mirror remains,
but it is hollow.

I still taste your love
on my lips,

but why?

It was a despicable lie.

Goodbye—
doesn’t lessen the pain.

[tectak]

Thank you all

Bena thank you for understanding all this.



Sometimes you need a major cliche in life.

I'm keeping out if this one...and that's a major crit. You gotta watch that sonata...she plays a mean Wolf.
tectak