twilight

[emerald13]

as night
curves into a warm
sunken sky

holding close
the secret of her graces
the lily

in a handful
of shifting shadows
and incredible quiet

curls back
on herself
whispering

to the bee

©Gina

[ChristopherSea]

This is lovely! As written, you could simply drop the 'as night' and curl the title twilight right into the poem:

twilight
curves into a warm
sunken sky...

Nice!/Chris

[beaufort]

I like this a lot. The only suggestion I can think of is to keep the last stanza 3 lines -

"curls back
on herself
whispering to the bee"

Either way sounds good to me - very nice!

[paul.rosen]

I like this a lot. The only suggestion I can think of is to keep the last stanza 3 lines -

"curls back
on herself
whispering to the bee"

Either way sounds good to me - very nice!

I agree with Christopher and Beaufort, and would go even farther than Beaufort and suggest that you could drop "to the bee" entirely.

[trailertrash]

I like this a lot. The only suggestion I can think of is to keep the last stanza 3 lines -

"curls back
on herself
whispering to the bee"

Either way sounds good to me - very nice!

I agree with Christopher and Beaufort, and would go even farther than Beaufort and suggest that you could drop "to the bee" entirely.

To bee, or not to bee? Hmmmm. Love your other posting about one backing into a purple echium - too cute! But this one's already got twilight and a lily; the bee line (no pun intended) is almost an afterthought. This isn't a democracy, but I vote 'not to bee' on this one.