rafters

[crow]

rafters

He fell up up and away and in
Between the spaces where the memories go
Through, laughing souls changed, medals don’t
Mean much anymore, discontinued, unminted,
Landed. You see an old car, and lickity split,
You’re called to the rafters. You rush home.
<<--Mix Tape-->>s for someone you don’t know
Anymore: who? what’s on it?: this broken tape, this angel music.

When we moved in, there were shoeboxes in the attic,
Pictures of people we didn’t know who’d moved on,
An old, unopened Calvin and Hobbes collection . . .
They found a wounded baby raccoon, and Calvin,
Accepting its death, said to Hobbes, “ . . . but don’t you
go anywhere!” And the tall black figure looms in a shoebox
As I hold onto you for dear life, evenasweloveeachotherevenaswe’reforcedto move
on . . .

---

http://oi29.tinypic.com/2vcj7uu.jpg

for reference

[rowens]

I don't see anything wrong with this poem. It sounds like Robert Creeley poems. And I find more wrong with his poems than yours.

[crow]

Thanks for the reference to Robert Creeley. I'll look him up

---

So . . . He's written tons and tons--any favorites?

[rowens]

Two of your poems reminded me of his. Especially the line breaks. I thought this poem was pretty good as it is, others might not think so. I don't like Robert Creeley all that much.

---

I've read it many times and can't find anything to say to improve it because I don't think it needs to improve even if it isn't the best poem in the world, and it would bore me if it was much better. I like the fragmented style and how it rushes along. I like the look of it. How it manages a fast gliding pace while compressing everything. The emphasis the first and last words have as they frame each line.

[crow]

Maybe this will help make it unlikeable

It's meant to be about going across Styx and then toward Lethe to drink and forget everything that used to matter.

Does that give any purchase? If not, totally cool.

[rowens]

That's another way to say it, but it's better you said it the way you did.