The Devil's Hiss

[Zainabk]

The Devil's Hiss

My heart bleeds for you my child
you have demons
Because of me
Because of us.

They shatter your peace
And inflict their agenda upon you
They say play, you play
They say dance, you dance
They say jump, you jump

I whisper love into your ears and catch your ephemeral attention
I nudge you closer to me
I say listen, they say ignore
I say focus, they say ignore
I say hello, they say ignore

With weary effort you bring yourself to me
Love carries you in its tender grip
For a fleeting moment
You listen,
You focus
You say hello
Then those wretched Demons yank you out of the clutches of hope

Then you ignore
I say listen, you ignore
I say focus, you ignore
I say hello, you ignore
The demons’ cackling laughter resonates through the thick air
Until they see you in love’s gentle clutch
And tear you away from me again

You my poor child
An innocent victim
The fight is bitter – not easy at all
Yet you keep charging
into my arms

We must keep trying
I shall gather all my love and pour it over your ravaged soul

One day I know
You will win the fight
And then when their ugly faces descend upon you from every direction,
You will ignore
Ignore
Ignore
They will push you,
Torment you,
Seize you

You will ignore
Ignore
Ignore

And stay within my warm embrace
And listen
And focus
And say hello
And move forwards
leaving them in an everlasting hiss.

God Willing.

[shemthepenman]

The Devil's Hiss

My heart bleeds for you my child
you have demons
Because of me
Because of us.

They shatter your peace
And inflict their agenda upon you
They say play, you play
They say dance, you dance
They say jump, you jump

I whisper love into your ears and catch your ephemeral attention
I nudge you closer to me
I say listen, they say ignore
I say focus, they say ignore
I say hello, they say ignore

With weary effort you bring yourself to me
Love carries you in its tender grip
For a fleeting moment
You listen,
You focus
You say hello
Then those wretched Demons yank you out of the clutches of hope

Then you ignore
I say listen, you ignore
I say focus, you ignore
I say hello, you ignore
The demons’ cackling laughter resonates through the thick air
Until they see you in love’s gentle clutch
And tear you away from me again

You my poor child
An innocent victim
The fight is bitter – not easy at all
Yet you keep charging
into my arms

We must keep trying
I shall gather all my love and pour it over your ravaged soul

One day I know
You will win the fight
And then when their ugly faces descend upon you from every direction,
You will ignore
Ignore
Ignore
They will push you,
Torment you,
Seize you

You will ignore
Ignore
Ignore

And stay within my warm embrace
And listen
And focus
And say hello
And move forwards
leaving them in an everlasting hiss.

God Willing.

Hello

So, obviously no critique, but just wanted to say these line:

They shatter your peace
And inflict their agenda upon you
They say play, you play
They say dance, you dance
They say jump, you jump

I whisper love into your ears and catch your ephemeral attention
I nudge you closer to me
I say listen, they say ignore
I say focus, they say ignore
I say hello, they say ignore

Really got me in an extremely good way

Thanks.

[Pleasure's all mine]

I like this, but I agree with others in it needs trimming. Definitely work on the first bit more- fine to keep it ambiguous but could you try to make it more hard hitting so we can really feel your pain? Good stuff though

[ralex003]

The meaning in this line isn't unclear: "leaving them in an everlasting hiss."

I understand that you mean the subject will leave the demons behind after overcoming the obstacles he/she is experiencing. However, I think you should reword it. You can't leave someone "in a hiss."

Also, this is a little thing, but why is "Demons" capitalized in the fourth stanza? Just wondering if that was intentional. I didn't see it capitalized anywhere else in the poem.

Otherwise, I think it's a beautiful poem. It seems like it's about something that means a lot to you.