Haiku: A Wetness

[71degrees]

Listening to you
last night with your brown hair still damp:
a lovely word bath

[ChristopherSea]

Lovely image and a sensual piece. In the spirit of the form's brevity you could add a comma after night and drop: with, still, a. Thanks for the read.

[71degrees]

Lovely image and a sensual piece. In the spirit of the form's brevity you could add a comma after night and drop: with, still, a. Thanks for the read.

More in tune w/5-7-5 now. Not a must, but something my Writers' Group tries to adhere to when we finish a session.\

Thanks.

Listening to you
last night, your brown hair still damp:
a lovely word bath

[71degrees]

More in tune w/5-7-5 now. Not a must, but something my Writers' Group tries to adhere to when we finish a session.\

too bad, this would be a really good senryu if it wasn't so wordy, the title is great.

Thanks. Not being that versed in senryu, I always assumed it to be the more humorous or satirical side of human nature, and not the sensual.

[billy]

not sure what the seasonal word was.

[milo]

not sure what the seasonal word was.

Well, seasonal words tend to be nouns so it is either hair or bath or night.

Bath could be a seasonal reference to spring for those who bathe once a year.