Falling

[George]

Tall falling snow slices
like a blunt knife,
under the bright shadows
of the stars’ flash –
can’t match stillness
of boy’s mom.

[Erthona]

?????

dale

[George]

?????

dale

haha yea.... maybe im just high.

[RSaba]

Made sense until "boy's mom." Very confused.

[Gena]

Hi George,
I also think it made sense until 'boy's mom',
- Tall falling snow slices
like a blunt knife,
under the bright shadows
of the stars’ flash –
This part is conceptually going somewhere. I think you should give it a try, and see where it leads you.
cheers.

[poe]

Tall falling snow slices
like a blunt knife,
under the bright shadows
of the stars’ flash –
can’t match stillness
of boy’s mom.

He would have been a lot more humane to have used a sharp knife on his mum.
TS

[Victor Anders]

Tall falling snow slices
like a blunt knife,
under the bright shadows
of the stars’ flash –
can’t match stillness
of boy’s mom.

I enjoyed that, all may it be hard to comprehend.You will only receive warnings as long as the mods smile down upon you. This is NOT valid critique. You must help yourself and the writer by indicating where you feel improvements could be made. There are many other sites where sycophants go to die.
Mod.

[tectak]

?????

dale

haha yea.... maybe im just high.

Ha ha. Maybe you should consider chilling before you write. I am not going to be over critical of you because I was just the same when I was ten years old...but we all grow up. Do not post poetry which you know is rubbish....helpful members are giving time to improve poetic endeavour on this site. Your response to this comment will indicate whether or not you are worth bothering with. Frankly, as this sort of nonsense is dumped here by the skip-load it is of no consequence either way UNLESS you feel differently.
Mod

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Tall falling snow slices
like a blunt knife,
under the bright shadows
of the stars’ flash –
can’t match stillness
of boy’s mom.

He would have been a lot more humane to have used a sharp knife on his mum.
TS

Please restrict your crit to the poem. This is unacceptable as critique.
Mod