05-23-2014, 09:11 AM
The best grades in my school, kindergarten on,
they had to make me stay after class
to do it all, but I did it.
One thing I wasn't going to do was waste my time on school work
when there were so many other kids around to play with.
I was an only child.
The same with church; it all made sense to me,
even when the preachers and Sunday school teachers had no idea
what they were talking about.
If I could understand everything I heard in only a few minutes,
I didn't see why God couldn't create the world in a matter of days.
I was raring to go, and if I were God, I wouldn't have bothered resting.
Nowhere in the bible does it say anything about Jesus making love to a woman
or a man;
neither does it say anything about him taking a shit,
but we know he did.
I saw nothing wrong with the kids that soiled their britches
while sitting at their desks,
even the ones that did it on purpose.
I became friends with those kids.
It was the Christian thing to do,
but I wasn't even thinking about that.
My first year of high school was my downfall,
everyone around me was either a moron or sex on a stick;
I'd never before seen tits and ass like that on a girl my own age,
and now it was everywhere.
Everybody was either stupid, mean or sexy;
and if you were sexy you were both stupid and mean
because you never had a reason not to be.
Some of the hot girls got good grades,
but they all ended up in nursing school or stocking department stores
while pregnant,
so those grades don't seem to have mattered much.
My grades got me nowhere either.
Flunked out of high school because—why not?
I wasn't sexy or stupid or mean,
so even when I succeeded it felt like I lost.
People just assumed things about me anyway.
You spend your whole life being ridiculed and castigated by people
for not believing in religious things;
and when you admit you do believe in those things,
the same people think you're crazy.
Then they're afraid to come around you.
Now I feel failure is more interesting than success,
that, while failure is embarrassing, success is shameful.
And I've never felt ashamed in my life.
they had to make me stay after class
to do it all, but I did it.
One thing I wasn't going to do was waste my time on school work
when there were so many other kids around to play with.
I was an only child.
The same with church; it all made sense to me,
even when the preachers and Sunday school teachers had no idea
what they were talking about.
If I could understand everything I heard in only a few minutes,
I didn't see why God couldn't create the world in a matter of days.
I was raring to go, and if I were God, I wouldn't have bothered resting.
Nowhere in the bible does it say anything about Jesus making love to a woman
or a man;
neither does it say anything about him taking a shit,
but we know he did.
I saw nothing wrong with the kids that soiled their britches
while sitting at their desks,
even the ones that did it on purpose.
I became friends with those kids.
It was the Christian thing to do,
but I wasn't even thinking about that.
My first year of high school was my downfall,
everyone around me was either a moron or sex on a stick;
I'd never before seen tits and ass like that on a girl my own age,
and now it was everywhere.
Everybody was either stupid, mean or sexy;
and if you were sexy you were both stupid and mean
because you never had a reason not to be.
Some of the hot girls got good grades,
but they all ended up in nursing school or stocking department stores
while pregnant,
so those grades don't seem to have mattered much.
My grades got me nowhere either.
Flunked out of high school because—why not?
I wasn't sexy or stupid or mean,
so even when I succeeded it felt like I lost.
People just assumed things about me anyway.
You spend your whole life being ridiculed and castigated by people
for not believing in religious things;
and when you admit you do believe in those things,
the same people think you're crazy.
Then they're afraid to come around you.
Now I feel failure is more interesting than success,
that, while failure is embarrassing, success is shameful.
And I've never felt ashamed in my life.
A whine.