Why?

[Keith]

When the moment comes,
will you pray?
I know you'll say no,
but if you truly knew that today was the day,
in a quiet moment would you pray?
what would we say?

[just mercedes]

When the moment comes,
will you pray?
I know you'll say no,
you're like me,
but if you truly knew that today was the day,
in a quiet moment would you pray?
what would we say?

I like the final line, the way it dissolves the boundaries between you and I - as I suppose death will do. Nicely put.

[Erthona]

Pray for fire insurance

To go into the unknown without any defense is either the ultimate bravery, or the ultimate stupidity. Regardless of what we convince ourselves we are all afraid.

Dale

[ajcohen613]

When the moment comes,
will you pray?
I know you'll say no,
you're like me,
but if you truly knew that today was the day,
in a quiet moment would you pray?
what would we say?

It seems as if the lines "I know you'll say no,/ you're just like me," operate oddly in this shorter poem. IMO, the speaker seems to assume a little too much about the addressee. I feel as if making that kind of decisive judgement takes away from the questioning nature of the poem. Also, is anybody "just like" anybody else? Don't we all posses our own slight nuances that make us all different, even if just a little?

[Keith]

When the moment comes,
will you pray?
I know you'll say no,
you're like me,
but if you truly knew that today was the day,
in a quiet moment would you pray?
what would we say?

I like the final line, the way it dissolves the boundaries between you and I - as I suppose death will do. Nicely put.

Hi jm
Thanks for reading and your comment, I'm glad the last line came across as intended, it was meant to be a shrug of the shoulders kind of thing. Best Keith

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Pray for fire insurance

To go into the unknown without any defense is either the ultimate bravery, or the ultimate stupidity. Regardless of what we convince ourselves we are all afraid.

Dale

Very true Dale and I couldn't agree more. Best Keith

---

When the moment comes,
will you pray?
I know you'll say no,
you're like me,
but if you truly knew that today was the day,
in a quiet moment would you pray?
what would we say?

It seems as if the lines "I know you'll say no,/ you're just like me," operate oddly in this shorter poem. IMO, the speaker seems to assume a little too much about the addressee. I feel as if making that kind of decisive judgement takes away from the questioning nature of the poem. Also, is anybody "just like" anybody else? Don't we all posses our own slight nuances that make us all different, even if just a little?

Hi ajcohen613
Thanks for taking the time, I didn't actually write "just like" I only wrote "like" but I still take the point and agree the comparison is redundant in the few lines I have here. Best Keith