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Los Angeles hides
its children
in an ash specked blanket,
clammy tadpoles
float along
edgeless
in indifferent
cobalt –
local flesh
is made of nickel
and pleather,
Venice Blvd is
clogged with tumors;
desperate is a city
frowning in a mirror,
four
million and
nobody.
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I don't know what most of this means, but it is clearly written, and obviously to some purpose. The message at the end seems to say that LA is filled with 4 million narcissistic or vain people.
If the title is to be taken at face value, it means you are driving on the west bound HWY I-10 heading towards the pacific ocean. As 1-10 goes through the heart of Los Angeles (irony/hyperbole, we all know LA has no heart) you would be looking at South LA?
"a local’s soul
is made of nickel
and pleather"
a shallow person in a shallow town?
"ash specked blanket" Have no idea.
You obviously know more about LA than I do. I suppose this could be about the drought, but except for the "ash", I see nothing that really supports that. The only other news has been of certain aquatic life that usually goes no further north than Baja has been spotted much further north than that, some around LA, some as far North as Sacramento. I would like to know what "cobalt" means in this context.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(10-05-2014, 11:50 AM)Erthona Wrote: I don't know what most of this means, but it is clearly written, and obviously to some purpose. The message at the end seems to say that LA is filled with 4 million narcissistic or vain people.
If the title is to be taken at face value, it means you are driving on the west bound HWY I-10 heading towards the pacific ocean. As 1-10 goes through the heart of Los Angeles (irony/hyperbole, we all know LA has no heart) you would be looking at South LA?
"a local’s soul
is made of nickel
and pleather"
a shallow person in a shallow town?
"ash specked blanket" Have no idea.
You obviously know more about LA than I do. I suppose this could be about the drought, but except for the "ash", I see nothing that really supports that. The only other news has been of certain aquatic life that usually goes no further north than Baja has been spotted much further north than that, some around LA, some as far North as Sacramento. I would like to know what "cobalt" means in this context.
dale
My mistake! This was actually on the 10-E. I suppose I'd be looking north at LA, but eh, left felt better. Also, this was not meant to be about the drought, but bring what you will to your reading!
"Where there are roses we plant doubt.
Most of the meaning we glean is our own,
and forever not knowing, we ponder."
-Fernando Pessoa
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This poem made me think about how LA will either propel you forward rapid fire, or stomp out your creativity completely. No middle ground for an artist out here.
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Hi, I know nothing of LA or it's enviroments, but I am thinking that this is a sort of mix between strret view and satalite image (like the zoom on google maps). This was the interpretation I gave to the unusual line spacing at the start and the end.
Initially i was a bit distracted / irritated by this on the first read but as I worked back through it it gained relevance and I sort of like it.
This one has a bit of a global worming voice undertoning it to my ear...again which normally is a turn off for me but this has a detached edge to it so it works for me.
(10-05-2014, 08:52 AM)ajcohen613 Wrote: Los Angeles hides was this line originally the title. think it might work better conneted to the other two lines.
its children
in an ash specked blanket, Nice image overall. Made me think of smog or clouds.
clammy tadpoles
float along
edgeless Again really like these lines. On the read i am taking this reinfoces the heat / smog image (possibly a comma here after edgeless)
in indifferent Like the use of indifferent, but no idea what cobalt is in referance to. (Best guess the colour of the sea / sky)
cobalt –
a local’s soul don't like the use of local's soul feels out in a city view setting and also soul is overused in poetry. (tired)
is made of nickel
and pleather, nice image of hard and artificial also like the brevity of the sharper focused look at street life.
Venice Blvd is
clogged with tumors; not sure if this was a referance to vehicles or the people but either way it works for me as a picture for a sicknees in society. tumors has been used many times in creative writing generally, but within the setting of this poem it was okay to my read.
desperate is a city the syntax come across a bit odd / stilted here. But overall really think these two lines are working hard to pull the images of self obsessed, shallow lives lived at the cost of real beauty.
frowning in a mirror,
four
million and
alone. Beyond the idea of the focus on the map drawing back out again, these lines suggest that LA living is a lonely experiance. However I am not a great fan of this as an ending it feels more like you got bored of writing this one and forced a quick ending.
Overall an interesting read that gave me some fresh images so a good read.
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i like the POV you present in the poem,, the smog the self indulgent who are to in love with themselves to notice others.
as someone who hasn't been there i get an image of what it's like, whether or not it's the correct image i have no idea but i do get a defined image.
(10-05-2014, 08:52 AM)ajcohen613 Wrote: Los Angeles hides
its children
in an ash specked blanket,
clammy tadpoles
float along
edgeless would you see the tadpoles [unless it was a traffic jam]
in indifferent
cobalt –
a local’s soul
is made of nickel
and pleather, not herad this word before but it sounds like plastic leather. [faux leather]
Venice Blvd is
clogged with tumors;
desperate is a city
frowning in a mirror,
four
million and
alone.
