< dreaming of all else >

[rayheinrich]

            < dreaming of all else >
     
       one quiet piece of water leaves a likely rock
       touch
       and touch is what is
       those legs of yours
       your heart-shaped hole
       i put my fingers in
       and what is me and what is you
       when we're off doing what we do
       dreaming of all else
     
                          - - -

[Requiem]

Maybe the sex insinuation is a bit too strong...
Anyways, I get THAT part. Its everything around it that confuses me.

I would suggest a correction on the first line, but I honestly don't know what it means... I suppose, firstly, that one does not have a "piece" of water - a drop, perhaps? And then, "leaves a likely rock touch," but what is a "rock touch?"

The next two lines, "and touch is what is / those legs of yours" I appreciate the tie back to that elusive first line, but how can legs BE touch, know what I mean? I think that part just needs to be re-worded.

Lastly, "and what is me and what is you" doesn't seem to quite belong where it is, unless you added a new line after it...

But yeah. Just a lot of clarification would be nice.


....


and, you know... maybe don't be so blunt.  

[rayheinrich]

Maybe the sex insinuation is a bit too strong...
Anyways, I get THAT part.

Hint: It might be a double entendre where the sexual
reference stands for something else instead of versa vice.

Its everything around it that confuses me.

It's not meant to be a straight narrative; it's a puzzle that gives you the freedom to
construct/interpret your own metaphors and arrive at your own meaning/solution.

I would suggest a correction on the first line, but I honestly don't know what it means... I suppose, firstly, that one does not have a "piece" of water - a drop, perhaps?

"Piece of water" is an element of the meaning/puzzle.
If it were changed to some standard name for a quantity of water it wouldn't work with the 'rock' reference.

And then, "leaves a likely rock touch," but what is a "rock touch?"

"Touch" is a separate line that refers to the entire line above it, not just "rock". (It connects
the line above it with the line below it.) Hint: When does the meaning (metaphorical) of 'water' leave the meaning  (metaphorical) of 'rock'? And why a "likely rock" and not just a "rock"?

The next two lines, "and touch is what is / those legs of yours" I appreciate the tie back to that elusive first line, but how can legs BE touch, know what I mean? I think that part just needs to be re-worded.

Line 3 refers to the whole poem, not
just 'legs'.

Lastly, "and what is me and what is you" doesn't seem to quite belong where it is, unless you added a new line after it...

Yes, it would be clearer if I'd added a few question marks.
My problem is that I mean it as a declaration not a question.

But yeah. Just a lot of clarification would be nice.

I mean it as a puzzle. If someone asked you a riddle and answered it without giving you time to
think of the answer, it wouldn't be much of a riddle.

It's an assembly-required poem. If I've constructed it badly, if I've left out essential parts
(i.e. I left them in my head), then it's my fault and the poem fails. I'm really not sure if
that's the case or not, but thanks for reading it and giving me some feedback on how I could fix it.


P.S. Hint: It's mostly about our conflicting definitions of thoughts, feelings, and physicality;
and the confusion that ensues.