You Have To

[shemthepenman]

hello,

so here goes:

You have to

Its hard to walk the edge of a cliff - I will let the missing apostrophe in It's go, because I assume it is a typing error. I mean, for the very first word one encounters in a poem to have such a basic grammatical mistake, it must be a typing error, right?
Even more so with worn feet - this is relatively ok in terms of concept. It does however give a sense of time and age, and in general time and age will have the opposite effect.
And its difficult to balance a mountain on a stone - some punctuation would help, here. I mean, it is difficult to balance a mountain on a stone at the best of times (metaphorical or not), so why particularly with 'worn feet'. But, having said that, I do like the metaphor.
Walking blind takes faith - I actually think this is a wonderfully interesting line; but I cannot help thinking that it is too easy a pun, so I almost dismissed it as obvious word play (or even worse, cliche word play), which speaks to the language used. compare Corinthians (bible): We walk by faith, not by sight.
Especially after one failed attempt
The what if's become apparent,
like white chalk on a black board - I think these three lines can be removed.
To trip, to hit a wall, to step off the edge,
that would be deathly - deathly sounds awful. Deadly, better?
But how deep is the pit really? - again, you are lacking punctuation. But then again, is 'really' really necessary? or 'but' for that matter.
Its an unspeakable place, but is the chance worth it? - oh, it wasn't a typing error. IT'S is short for 'it is'.
You have to trust the executioner,
well hope really, that he leaves the noose untied. - this is nice, but too preachy. we don't HAVE to trust the executioner.

in closing, if you are going to re-write Shakespeare make sure you're not trying to balance a stone on a mountain:

To be, or not to be, that is the question—
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them? To die, to sleep—
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would these Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveler returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia. Nymph, in all thy Orisons
Be thou all my sins remembered.

[Erthona]

Tundradriver72,

As shem mentioned. "Its" is the possessive form of "it", "it's" is the contraction "it is". There are a lot of errors that one can get by with, with only a mild rebuke...more or less, this is not one of them, especially as you poem is expected to have already been edited for these types of errors. There are certain errors that writers should always check for, always. Your-You're, To-Too-Two, along with Its-It's seem to be the ones most often committed. Oh, yes, before I forget. This idea that the first letter of every line should be capitalized went out in the 1950's when they discovered that only capitalizing the start of a sentence made the reading much easier. They did not however quit using periods to signify the end of a sentence. Poetry should follow grammatical and typographical rules just the same as prose unless there is a very strong rationale to do otherwise. "Because it looks more like poetry", is not sufficient.    

Personally I think the idea of "worn feet" is silly. Feet cannot be put on and worn, they cannot acquire ware, and therefor cannot become worn. There are many things that feet can become, worn is not one of them. They can become broken, or broken down, calloused, raw, hurt, bent, bruised, and so on, but worn? It doesn't work for me. Maybe it will work for others.

I was going to let it go at that but I feel compelled to comment on these two lines:

"The what if's become apparent,
like white chalk on a black board"

As "what if" is hypothetical, it is, practically speaking, infinite. It is nearly impossible to see how to parse this out, but let us assume that the phrase "after one failed attempt" is suppose to be included in this, which of course is by no means apparent. So it would read.

"...after one failed attempt the what if's become apparent like white chalk on a black board."  

The next question that becomes apparent is "failed attempt" at what? Unfortunately the answer is less than helpful.

The answer appears to be "Walking blind". So put all together lets see what we have.

"...after one failed attempt at walking blind (or having faith), the what if's become apparent like white chalk on a black board."  
White chalk on a blackboard (one word) is a pretty stark description, and for me at least it  is not as apparent as white chalk on a blackboard what "what if's" are apparent. In fact it is not apparent in anyway at all. Maybe these "what if's" are obvious to the writer because he/she has information I do not have, but out of an infinite pool of possible what if's I have no clue which one's have supposedly become apparent. It is an honor the writer considers me so bright as to be able to divine which "what if's" the writer is talking about, but in this case anyway, that faith is sadly misplaced. The again, I have no idea how shem got Hamlet out of this. All I got is half of a Baptist sermon; the left side.  

Welcome to the site,

Dale
 
 

[billy]

hi tundra. as others have said, watch out for contraction, specially if the first word to the poem.
if i had a main concern it would be the wordiness.

And its difficult to balance a mountain on a stone
Walking blind takes faith

the quotes above read as quotes and not really like lines of a poem. merge the two or see if you can reword them, the same wit some of the other quotes.

if you read Shakespeare's soliloquy in shem's pos, you'll see that he uses a lot of imagery (slings and arrows)or (no sea untroubled)there are a lot more. and he's still able to ask the extended question. he shows us the poem, he doesn't tell us about it.

You have to

Its hard to walk the edge of a cliff [cliff's edge] would allow you to lose [of a]
Even more so with worn feet no need for [even]
And its difficult to balance a mountain on a stone no need for [and]
Walking blind takes faith
Especially after one failed attempt
The what if's become apparent,
like white chalk on a black board
To trip, to hit a wall, to step off the edge,
that would be deathly
But how deep is the pit really?
Its an unspeakable place, but is the chance worth it?
You have to trust the executioner,
well hope really, that he leaves the noose untied.