Yuletide: Cookies

[ABennett]

Cookies

Edited:

Cutting sugar cookies
on the Formica counter top.
Shapes of Christmas trees,
snowflakes and gingerbread men.

Pudgy hands working,
a concentrated effort
to not let the dough fall apart,
from atop a red foot stool.

How difficult can it be
moving a cookie?
It takes a steady hand
to guide it to the pan.

Grandma's hands
are very steady,
perhaps giving in
is the best decision.

Original:

Cutting sugar cookies
on the Formica counter top.
Shapes of Christmas trees,
snowflakes and gingerbread men.

Pudgy hands working,
a concentrated effort
to not let the dough fall apart,
from atop a red foot stool.

How difficult can it be
moving a cookie?
It takes a steady hand
and a gentler touch.

Grandma's hands
are very steady,
perhaps giving in
is the best decision.

[Magnum]

Though it tells a story, to me the confusing part is "to not let the dough fall apart". Are you saying that it is hard to move the cut dough without it falling apart? Maybe you're trying to say it's hard to prevent it from falling apart while putting it on a baking sheet? A little more clarity I think is needed to complete your story. Otherwise, I like it...

[ABennett]

Thank you for your prompt reply, Magnum. You're absolutely right that it's vague as it is now. I was in fact trying to convey that it's difficult to move a raw cookie to a cookie sheet, and in particular for a child to do so. I suppose I ought to have included a note that this poem is written as part of a set of four about Christmas from a child's perspective. Nonetheless, your point about clarity stands.