The Snowman

[Rogue Yun]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

[ellajam]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

Hi and welcome. Nice little poem you have here, you really seem to have a hold on the meter. Line 3 is lovely. I have a bit of a problem with grafted wood, I'm not sure what to picture.

Good job with this, hope you enjoy the site.

[Rogue Yun]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

Hi and welcome. Nice little poem you have here, you really seem to have a hold on the meter. Line 3 is lovely. I have a bit of a problem with grafted wood, I'm not sure what to picture.

Good job with this, hope you enjoy the site.

Thank ye kindly! My mom had the same question. It's his stick arms

[ellajam]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

Hi and welcome. Nice little poem you have here, you really seem to have a hold on the meter. Line 3 is lovely. I have a bit of a problem with grafted wood, I'm not sure what to picture.

Good job with this, hope you enjoy the site.

Thank ye kindly! My mom had the same question. It's his stick arms

I know that, but why grafted? They are not grafted onto the snowman, they're just stuck in, so that made me think of the way some trees are grafted onto rootstock, but that didn't suit either.

[BelialNaoe]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.
----

Short, poignant. To be honest, I can't think of much to change other than what Ellajam mentioned. I want to say something to avoid saying winter twice within the same few lines, but I can't honestly think of a replacement word, but if you can, that'd be great I think!

[just mercedes]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Very succinct - good imagery, although the 'grafted' doesn't really work for me. You change tense from past to present. Someone else noted the two uses of 'winter'. The third  line could avoid the word inversion by saying "He wields a witches' wand in hand." The final line is a fragment, not a sentence; you could get around that by using something like "He's ruler of this frozen land."


Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

[Tiger the Lion]

The guardian of the winter stood Cut the 2nd instance of "the" not needed and fixes your syllable count
with frock of frost and grafted wood. agree with the others on grafted. 
A witches' wand he wields in hand. witch's
The master of his winter land. agreed also with the 2nd use of "winter" - "frozen" would work, but look for your own solution

Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

Welcome rogue. Thanks for sharing.

[Deadrise]

Hello Yun,

Congrats on a fun short poem that flowed off the tongue nicely.

My only issue after reading it several times is that witches wand seems to conflict with my image of a guardian master snowman.

Take care,
John

[SameName]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Notes/Original

Notes: I looked over the "new poet mistakes," and it looks like I have made a few XD.  But this one felt inspiring to me. I was thinking I could change "wand" to "want." My mom says this is a good poem and helped me to revise it from the original. I'll post it below for reference sake. I tried to be subtle in the imagery, making the reader ponder (but hopefully not too long) about what exactly I'm talking about, and then hopefully see a little majesty and personification in a child's creation.

My goal is to keep my poems short, simple and convey the message powerfully and memorably in as few words as possible.



---
The guardian of the winter stood,
Frocked in frost and grafted wood.
With witches wand to wield in hand,
The master of his winter land.
---

great poem, I love reading these shorter poems that can show just as much detail in a few words. what I mean by is that I read a 30-45 second poem and I had such a picture I felt like I was starring at the snowman, instead of having a huge poem that includes to much and one finds themselves lost.

[jasmine.m.wardiya]

This is such a cute little poem, and with four lines you make your subject loud and clear which isn't an easy feat. I really like the "frock of frost" - though at the same time it tickles me to think that has female connotations, while the snowman seems to have a more male connotation.

Like some of your other readers, "grafted" wood seems strange to me as well. "Spindle" wood occured to me - in the contet of the witch in the next paragraph (sleeping beauty-esque). Grafted has an unnatural feel - not in the supernatural sense but more in the forced word/image in a poem sense.

"A witches' wand" - also interesting how the feminine creeps in again. It does seem to show an underlayer of gender-roles/gender-bias - unless I'm reading too much in to it and witch just sounds better than warlock or wizard. Though, since "a" suggests singular, should it be "witch's"? Though the singular I imagine was for the wand? (one of those weird grammer things)

Also previously pointed out is your use of two "winter"s. While it does give a circular nature to the poem (particularly useful in giving that last of yours some closure, I feel like using winter twice to describe the setting prevents you from shaping it. You've described the snowman, but one word is all we have of where he stands. Even the hint of magic coud centre entirely around him and be irrelevant to the setting. It might be difficult to bring out within the four lines you already have, but I would like to see just a tad more impression as to the setting: is it empty? Full of life? Barely visible? Coloured? All white? etc. Little impressions you may be able to sneak in to give your snowman a little more of a context to sit in. Things like that will also contextualise the magical/supernatural element you introduced with the witch image a little more.

A lovely little poem, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes from here.

Thank you for your excellent comments so far/ Admin

[Persephone]

The guardian of the winter stood
with frock of frost and grafted wood.
A witches' wand he wields in hand.
The master of his winter land.

Kudos!! I love that in just a handful of words you have painted such a vivid and ominous picture! I think this is very skilful, I love the third line as well, the rest of the poem tells me a little about who this figure is (the guardian of winter) but that he has a witches wand tells me that perhaps he's just been battling a witch and is triumphant. Or maybe he was once a witch, before he was the guardian of winter. It really gives a lot of depth to this figure good work!