Why dove?

[SaddestStates]

O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright?
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night!
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light!
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright!
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight!
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might!
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?
Your great radiance beside, we could put up a fight!
Rise dove, rise dove, the world you shall incite!
Your illumination beaming, the black will ignite!
Please dove, please dove, smother the darkest blight!
Raise up and take flight, as a gleaming white knight!
So why dove? Why dove? Why sit alone... in vast fright?

[Tiger the Lion]

O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright?
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night!
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light!
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright!
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight!
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might!
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?
Your great radiance beside, we could put up a fight!
Rise dove, rise dove, the world you shall incite!
Your illumination beaming, the black will ignite!
Please dove, please dove, smother the darkest blight!
Raise up and take flight, as a gleaming white knight!
So why dove? Why dove? Why sit alone... in vast fright?

Hello and welcome SS. You have sacrificed any hope of conveying meaning all for one rhyme. Why? Anyone can google "rhymes with fright" and write out 13 loosely related lines. My advice would be, as an exercise, rewrite each line saying what you MEAN, without regard for rhyme. You may or may not get something from that. Also, IMO exclamation marks are for facebook, they make for ugly graffiti in poetry, almost all of the time.
Thanks for the post and good luck!!!!!!
Paul 

[Erthona]

"O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright? (What does "sit alone in your vast fright?" mean exactly?)
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night! ("Blackness swells to swarm" do you really think it can do that?)
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light! (Ah, now you introduce this fantasy of a dove that puts off light, light enough to give to the whole world, with totally no support for doing so)
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright!
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight! (what is "it"?)
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might! (The blackness has the darkness of might?)
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?"

Obviously the writer is using "dove" and "darkness" symbolically. Unfortunately the reader is never given even a hint of what "dove" and "darkness" are suppose to symbolize. Dove is often symbolic of peace, but it can also be love, hope and freedom, to name a few. Darkness can be used to symbolize anything from evil to fear to mystery, with many stops in between. Beyond that most of your lines make no sense. Doves wings as a rule do not generally glow like a light, so there is something the reader is not being told, that he needs to be told, for this to make sense. This is not to mention the use of the same rhyme is like a ball peen hammer to the head, or the inexplicable use of such annoying repetition.

Welcome to the site,

Dale

[summermoose]

O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright?
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night!
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light!
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright! this is where the poem become a bit contrived for me
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight!
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might!
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?
Your great radiance beside, we could put up a fight!
Rise dove, rise dove, the world you shall incite!
Your illumination beaming, the black will ignite!
Please dove, please dove, smother the darkest blight! most of the lines preceding this seem to speak a similar message, this loses the reader
Raise up and take flight, as a gleaming white knight!
So why dove? Why dove? Why sit alone... in vast fright?

Hi! It seems like you are trying to embed some strong emotion in this poem, but it gets lost with the forced rhyme and the repetition of the same essential meaning throughout many lines. My main feedback would be to become very clear as to what the story/message is you are trying to convey (perhaps you are already) and then understand the way that story will fit into this dove metaphor you are building. Then every line should add something to that story, either some depth, clarity, layers etc. Otherwise it can end up losing the reader and becoming a tad grating.

Good luck!

[just mercedes]

O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright?
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night!
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light!
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright!
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight!
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might!
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?
Your great radiance beside, we could put up a fight!
Rise dove, rise dove, the world you shall incite!
Your illumination beaming, the black will ignite!
Please dove, please dove, smother the darkest blight!
Raise up and take flight, as a gleaming white knight!
So why dove? Why dove? Why sit alone... in vast fright?

The image you play with, of a white dove glowing against the surrounding dark as a symbol of love, peace, hope, joy, is a strong one. I don't think the mono-rhyme helped you at all though, and the very first line strikes a wrong note for me with 'fright'. I think you could rewrite this into a good poem if you first worked out exactly what you want to point out about the contrasts. Thanks for posting this.

[Leanne]

A single rhyme can work in a poem, but this is unfortunately not that poem. Look at how many times you waste the "white" rhyme by using it within your lines. Not only that, but you have drawn on some dreadfully cliched phrases -- "glisten so bright", "hear my plight", "put up a fight", "gleaming white knight". And, as has been pointed out, "in your vast fright" is almost entirely nonsensical. You have missed several opportunities to create something new -- although hope fighting through darkness is not a unique theme, you could use unique phrasing to lift this from the pits of cliche and you could even do it with your monorhyme if you tried a bit harder and removed those lines that are the most forced. Stick with your initial vision for the poem -- don't let it be hijacked by rhyme.

[billy]

just to reinforce what others have stated;

to much cliche and bad syntax
the bad syntax [yoda speak] forces the end rhyme and destroys the natural rhymes of what the poem should read like.

[LorettaYoung]

O why dove, why dove, sit alone in your vast fright? Sit lonely in fright,
While the blackness swells to swarm on this very night!
while blackness swells to swarm this very night
Fly dove, fly dove, give the world your shimmering light! I assume shimmering light represents the image of the dove as a symbol of love and peace?
With feathers of white, oh how they glisten so bright! Do they glisten by sun light?
Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight!
Pulling us down, with the untold darkest of might!
I cry dove, cry dove, will you not hear my plight?
Your great radiance beside, we could put up a fight!This sounds forced into rhyme
Rise dove, rise dove, the world you shall incite! This is an inversion for you shall incite the world; but you are disregarding structure to ensure rhyme.
Your illumination beaming, the black will ignite!I think you are saying that the Dove, its peace and love will set the world on fire? But you phrase it with a forced rhyme.
Please dove, please dove, smother the darkest blight!
Raise up and take flight, as a gleaming white knight! "as" not necessary "take flight, a gleaming white knight?
So why dove? Why dove? Why sit alone... in vast fright?

I'm sorry, I think I posted in the wrong place, my mistake; I think you are talking about light being victorious over the dark. But you are loosing the way to make yourself clear by finding wrong words to go with rhymes, some with questionable value to the line themselves and are sacrificing words and structure. I know you have an idea here; but it is truly renderered unclear. And I agree with the other critiques. Word like shimmering are attractive in themselves; if they are in contact with surrounding though and idea why the are shimmering. I think you should work on this, truly, some reading poetry and study WILL help I think.  Good luck, Loretta

I apologize for my posting in the wrong place.

Hello and welcome SS. You have sacrificed any hope of conveying meaning all for one rhyme. Why? Anyone can google "rhymes with fright" and write out 13 loosely related lines. My advice would be, as an exercise, rewrite each line saying what you MEAN, without regard for rhyme. You may or may not get something from that. Also, IMO exclamation marks are for facebook, they make for ugly graffiti in poetry, almost all of the time.
Thanks for the post and good luck!!!!!!
Paul 

[first_high_of_the_day]

I see that you are new to writing poetry. I just want to say Welcome!. Don't let any critique hurt your feelings or dissuade you from sharing your future poems. It's just there to show how much better you can get, and explain how to do it. You are a good writer. You know how to paint imagery and evoke emotion. And you have a voice. Here, being a good writer is the bare minimum. Make sure that the reader knows what you're talking about when you write a line. Have a clear idea of what you're trying to say. Keep asking yourself if the poem is communicating that idea, if it's doing its job. Is there a line that has nothing to do with what im trying to communicate? It should probably be replaced or removed. Avoid talking about really generic ideas. Get specefic. Otherwise you almost always sound trite. Keep writing otherwise our words are wasted!

[Hitler]

I picture a strong, yet fragile source of hope, strugging against the unnamed evil that is dragging it down. The narrator is begging it to not be a coward and hide, but truly fight against this evil, which it seems reluctant to do. this could easily be one internal struggle (how I picture it), or a great battle (which is too cliche for me to enjoy).
You need some variation in your vocabulary to include less words that end in -ight, since you seem to be using them Just for the sake of the rhyme. some lines seem to have no point to them and are just repeating what has already been said in other lines ("Please dove, please dove, start before it grips tight"), while others use a rhyming word when it seems out of place and awkward, and could have been replaced with a much more accurate word that you wanted if you were not limited by the rhyme scheme. ("Darkest of might", "the black will ignite"). You really need to ditch the rhyme scheme and rephrase your sentences for what you truly want it to mean, not just what seems to fit.