NEPAL

[srijantje]

piles of rubble
moaning underneath
nothing is unreal

[ellajam]

great last line. xo

[just mercedes]

Ko Ruamoko,
e ngunguru nel,
Au, au, aue ha!



"Hark to the rumble
of the Earthquake god.
Au, au, aue ha!"

[Erthona]

Shiva moves
the earth moans
love kills many.

[tectak]

piles of rubble
moaning underneath
nothing is unreal

Last line is the last line is perfect.
Best,
tectak

---

Shiva moves
the earth moans
love kills many.

Pick where you punctuate.
Shiva moves. The earth moves. Love kills many.
Shiva moves the earth.Moves love. Kills many.
Shiva moves. The earth moves love. Kills many.

Does it. Matter.
tectak

[Airlocke]

piles of rubble
moaning underneath
nothing is unreal

Last line seems a bit out of place. It doesn't expound upon the meaning of the previous lines, and without the proper context the line simply states what you should always expect the reader to assume: That what you have written is real and has consequence. It seems superfluous. Clever wordplay, though.

[Erthona]

Ton wrote:

"Pick where you punctuate.
Shiva moves. The earth moves. Love kills many.
Shiva moves the earth.Moves love. Kills many.
Shiva moves. The earth moves love. Kills many.
Does it. Matter."

For most people the line breaks would be indicative enough without further punctuation, but for the intellectually incontinent I suppose a more obvious way of punctuation might be needed. Besides, this is SJJ's post and I do not want to be hijacking it. Plus I wanted to mention that when one is in one of those type situation things become hyper-real, as his last line brings into focus so well.

Dale

[tectak]

Ton wrote:

"Pick where you punctuate.
Shiva moves. The earth moves. Love kills many.
Shiva moves the earth.Moves love. Kills many.
Shiva moves. The earth moves love. Kills many.
Does it. Matter."

For most people the line breaks would be indicative enough without further punctuation, but for the intellectually incontinent I suppose a more obvious way of punctuation might be needed. Besides, this is SJJ's post and I do not want to be hijacking it. Plus I wanted to mention that when one is in one of those type situation things become hyper-real, as his last line brings into focus so well.

Dale

Agreed. Agreed.Agreed.Agreed.Already agreed.
Agreed?
Best,
te tam

[srijantje]

thanks for all the feedback everyone,all is still a bit unreal to me,one can't even be sure about the earth beneath ones feet

[just mercedes]

thanks for all the feedback everyone,all is still a bit unreal to me,one can't even be sure about the earth beneath ones feet

It's the freakiest feeling, when the ground under you starts rolling and bobbing up and down. It reminds me that nothing is as it seems. We forget we live on floating plates, on a planet that floats in a multiverse, until we're reminded.

[srijantje]

absolutely

[Leanne]

Just happy that you're safe, sj.

[srijantje]

thanks,Leanne,if I'm ever not,I'll complain to Milo

[Leanne]

It will be his fault, after all.

To the poem:  I like the ambiguity of "nothing is unreal" -- either everything is real, or the nothing that has replaced everything seems unreal.  It's quite intense.

[billy]

yep, it was the milo fault.

glad you're still with us sj.
it's hard for me to comprehend the devastation
more so for the ones who lived through.
no feedback on the poem apart from me saying it works.

[just mercedes]

My landlady was on a toilet in the Lhasa airport when the quake hit. She was on her way with a group of Australian climbers to go up the North East side of Everest. She said she thought a jet had smashed into the terminal - the roar, then the shaking, and things falling and smashing. The climb of course was cancelled and her trip out became surreal, with China bitching about emergency landings without a visa etc etc when finally the flight was allowed to leave Lhasa but was diverted to ShangDu. (spelling?)

We're all lucky to be alive.

[RiverNotch]

I keep reading sex into everything I read -- or rather, reading sex out of them. The second line makes me think of another poem here about the same incident, only this time Shiva does not shake the mountains, he shags them. And then, he spills his seed onto the earth, creating a great white nothingness that seems so overwhelmingly surreal....

Beautiful poem.

[srijantje]

well,that's what shiva does[apparently]