Dueling Narwhals

[ChristopherSea]

Dueling Narwhals

~ ><^>--- ~ --<^>< ~

Arctic unicorns tusk through waves,
then feast under pack ice
after their joust

[Mark A Becker]

Very cool Christopher.

I didn't know what a "narwhal" was until I looked it up. Normally I'd say that it's a lot to ask of a reader before he starts to read the poem, but since this is a short piece, it seemed appropriate.

Now that I know that they have tusks, I can easily envision the narwhal as a unicorn. A sea unicorn, in fact.

I think that the "punctuation art" is an interesting idea. It may be able to stand alone as the first poem that I'd ever read with a title, but no words. A concrete poem all its own.

The "s" sounds work well here.

Three short lines (+ the keystroke artwork), and I learned something.

Thanks,
... Mark

[Magpie]

Hi Chris, different and interesting from you as always.
I also wasn't aware of the narwhal but didn't mind looking it up, it feels like you knew that most people wouldn't be aware of them so it has an educational aspect to it. The sounds in "Arctic unicorns tusk" are excellent. 
One point, even though I like the use of the word 'joust', I feel that the last line may not be necessary because the 'jousting' is evident from the title. You could even possibly have 'Jousting Narwhals' as the title then move 'through waves' to be the first line which then isolates the excellent sounding "Arctic unicorns tusk".
Just a thought, either way I love the image that you've created,

Thanks for the read,

Mark

[ChristopherSea]

Very cool Christopher.

I didn't know what a "narwhal" was until I looked it up.  Normally I'd say that it's a lot to ask of a reader before he starts to read the poem, but since this is a short piece, it seemed appropriate.  

Now that I know that they have tusks, I can easily envision the narwhal as a unicorn. A sea unicorn, in fact.

I think that the "punctuation art" is an interesting idea. It may be able to stand alone as the first poem that I'd ever read with a title, but no words.  A concrete poem all its own.  

The "s" sounds work well here.

Three short lines (+ the keystroke artwork), and I learned something.  

Thanks,
... Mark

Thank you Mark A.B. for sharing your time and reactions. I was afraid the 'illustration' would be seen as chicken-scratch.  

[Merrikay]

My input maybe lousy, but you never know...
I felt the need to say a narwhal seems like a well enough known animal to me, that I immediately made the jump. "Pack ice" was what gave me a pause, I don't know how it was meant, but it feels like it was meant as packed ice? I'm not sure. I like it, and am just looking for something to critique to make it better, which in my shoes, is very difficult. Thanks

[ChristopherSea]

My input maybe lousy, but you never know...
I felt the need to say a narwhal seems like a well enough known animal to me, that I immediately made the jump. "Pack ice" was what gave me a pause, I don't know how it was meant, but it feels like it was meant as packed ice? I'm not sure.

You are correct. Pack ice is the scientific term for drift ice that has been packed together into a larger mass. Narwhals feed on sea life that thrives beneath the pack ice.

---

Hi Chris, different and interesting from you as always.
I also wasn't aware of the narwhal but didn't mind looking it up, it feels like you knew that most people wouldn't be aware of them so it has an educational aspect to it. The sounds in "Arctic unicorns tusk" are excellent. 
One point, even though I like the use of the word 'joust', I feel that the last line may not be necessary because the 'jousting' is evident from the title. You could even possibly have 'Jousting Narwhals' as the title then move 'through waves' to be the first line which then isolates the excellent sounding "Arctic unicorns tusk".
Just a thought, either way I love the image that you've created,

Thanks for the read,

Mark

Thanks Mark.     I appreciate the read and your sage advice as a haiku master. I will have to play with this some more and test drive your suggestions. Cheers/Chris