Posts: 36
Threads: 5
Joined: Jul 2015
Darkness
is a gift from
those who live their whole lives
not seeing the light that enters
our eyes.
I originally posted this in the thread "Poetry Practice Exercises, the Cinquain" but I wanted to know if there is anything I could improve with it, as I like it very much and it holds a personal meaning for me.
Free verse poetry and jazz are like brother and sister.
Posts: 340
Threads: 204
Joined: May 2013
Darkness
is a gift from
those who live their whole lives
not seeing the light that enters
our eyes.
I like the idea of this poem quite alot, I think you could maybe trim it down or reword a word here and there.
ex)
Darkness
is a gift.
Those who live their whole lives
never seeing the light that enters
our eyes.
Really cool sentence with a superb idea behind it, thanks for the post!
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
--mark twain
Bunx
Posts: 36
Threads: 5
Joined: Jul 2015
(08-02-2015, 02:59 AM)Bunx Wrote: Darkness
is a gift from
those who live their whole lives
not seeing the light that enters
our eyes.
I like the idea of this poem quite alot, I think you could maybe trim it down or reword a word here and there.
ex)
Darkness
is a gift.
Those who live their whole lives
never seeing the light that enters
our eyes.
Really cool sentence with a superb idea behind it, thanks for the post!
Thanks so much Bunx! I like your idea, but then again it would break the form. Maybe:
Darkness;
a gift bestowed
upon us by those to
never see the light that enters
our eyes.
Free verse poetry and jazz are like brother and sister.
