Luckily, Everything is Everything

[yessiryessum]

Luckily, Everything is Everything
 
Step out of the bus.
Outside of it.
Feet on the ground- come on, now.
Take a walk. A brisk pace.
Take on that pace, and hear the brittle leaves crunch under your brisk pace.
Crunch.
Forever, forever.
 
Take a bite out of a motherfucking apple.
Might be trite, but don’t despair!
Break the skin; let your teeths come together.
Remember when you teethed?
Genuine thanks to the lord above.
 
Sister Sister-
How in the world are so many things so crisp?
Ah
Because everything is everything.
Thank the Lordy Lordy.
 
Unfortunately,
On days like these,
On the wooden, paint-peeling porch,
(so rustic- but still valid!)
You remember just how
kind of
sweaty
your high school friend used to be.
 
He was huge. And smiley.
He deserved everything.
You loved that boy.
You really did.
He’ll be fine, and that invalidates nothing.
Thank God.
 
Real talk,
God might just not exist.
 


And if He does, He is almost definitely a She.
God should probably have birthing powers.
(practically speaking.)
But then again, Gender…
is so damn restrictive.
Ah yes- everything is everything.
 
What is the meaning of life?
Come on, now.
That’s like asking…
What is the meaning of Crisco?

Speaking of which, 
life's meaning is 
crisp.
Absolutely not soggy.
But then again, texture is the easy part.

Thanks anyways.

[rowens]

Seems like a case where you could say anything. Any thought that comes into your head can be put into it. It looks like one of the Making Connections poems that people make, linking thoughts together, or maybe call them Logic Making poems. The problem with them is they don't hold together. But if you kept at it, this kind of poetry can lead to Myth Making poetry, which is held together well. Anybody can do what you did here, rambling logic is easy logic whether it makes good points or not, and doesn't make for good poetry but for random occasions.

[H[a/o]llowheart]

The free flow style of the poem is nice enough on a quick first listen, and the image of two people (children? It seems like that to me, what with the bus and general playful atmosphere.) while one of the two flits through different ideas, memories and possible beliefs involving the natural world around them is pretty cool. It has a lighthearted tone to it, like casually snowballing thoughts between friends on a lazy afternoon. 

However, when sitting down and looking at it more deeply, the non serious conscious spitballing becomes a bit detrimental. From what I can tell (and I may have missed something!), there isn't a real underlying message or theme to the poem, no takeaway sentiment. Like rowens said, it just rolls on from one idea to the next, unconcerned with connecting the dots that may or may not be there. It rambles for rambling's sake, and I can't say I'm a fan of that. Also, your phrasing and tone appears conflicting at certain points. The first stanza has a peaceful tone to it, and it sounds like the narrator is speaking to a child. Immediately following that is the line: "Take a bite out of a motherfucking apple." It's such a dramatic shift in word choice that I couldn't help but laugh out loud. Not in a mean way; it's just so out of place that it's borderline nonsensical. Is this conveying aggression? Levity, the kind that you'd find in teenage or adult-oriented conversation? Cursing for the sake of emphasis? No idea but it's awkward. 

For the most part, the individual chunks of the poem are clear enough on their own, but I have a problem with the bit from which the poem draws its title from: "Everything is everything." The best guess I could give is that it has to do with the interconnectivity of nature, humans and reality as a whole. Or maybe it's something more specific. I really have no idea. It's incredibly vague, and without additional context you could derive any meaning you wish from it...that is, in other words, it really has no meaning. In a poem with generally straightforward language, it's also out of place, and since it's part of the title I'm a bit bothered that it's the one part that I have no bearing on. 

I hope this didn't seem too nitpicky, haha.

[skadragon]

I enjoyed the sort of rambling rant, the profusion of unrestrained ideas. It needs an over-arching point or resolution. Something that makes you realize at the end that it wasn't just random ideas being spewn about. Or an irony. You definitely made reading easy and enjoyable. It was also a little inconsistent. Sometimes you were economical with your words and sometimes not. Which in itself can not be a flaw if it is intentional and serves a purpose.

[Stateofmind]

I have to agree with rowens in saying that this is basically just thoughts written on paper. I'm no poetry expert, but I know that poetry takes a degree of skill. While I definitely think this is a really cool collection of thoughts... I can't see how this can be called "poetry". Anybody can do this. While some of your thoughts are definitely deep. ... and very intelligent. .. I just don't see how this is "poetry".

[Noydian Slip]

This started as very bitter reading for me that evolved over the course of the poem to become more palpable. The double and triple occurrences of words in the first stanza caused me to stutter-step my way through it. In the first line of the second stanza, "motherfucking" is out of nowhere. I've never had much of a positive attitude toward the word "fucking" and its variants being used as adjectives, because it seems empty. Sometimes it works to help evoke an emotional response of rage or negativity, but that feel just doesn't fit this poem at all. Is the narrator discontent? Angry? Rebellious? At this point in the poem we're not given enough subject matter to have an investment or understanding of it's overall tone. After reading, that line stuck out like a sore thumb as a flash of negativity in an otherwise humorous and perceptively light-hearted poem.
.
The third stanza brought back the repeating word mechanism in a bit of a better way, because it seems like two people conversing, not one. One person asks the question, another answers. Even if that's not the case, the posing of a genuine question here was excellent, because at that point I became invested. I wanted to know the question's answer.

The remainder of the poem was fantastic, like a slalom or a waterslide. I just rode it down to the end, smoothly, willing to turn with it as it curved. Crisp was the answer the whole time, I feel like I should have known that and yet I didn't. The only formatting concern I have is the excessive spacing between the 6th and 7th stanzas, especially since they are linked together by "And" starting the 7th stanza. It read to me like a pseudo-pregnant pause in the middle of a sentence that does not need it to communicate the point more effectively.

Very enjoyable, I loved the mood I got from this as I read it. Thank you!

[hannah.h]

A little confused about what you're trying to convey in the poem. It feels disjointed because the stanzas are so random, which I get is the idea but I think they could be brought together in a more detailed way than "Everything is everything". I like that you incorporated the beginning of the poem into its conclusion, and I thought the closing lines were effective, but the middle could use some revision. The ideas themselves are interesting, their relevance just needs to be developed more, maybe by the addition of a couple more stanzas that build on a few of of the ideas you already introduced. I hope it comes together the way you want and you don't get too overwhelmed by everything being everything!
Good luck,
Hannahr