Haiku

[heslopian]

content woman reading
autumn rushes past
the bus window.

[addy]

Cozy and evocative. Personally would've picked a word that didn't literally say "autumn", but it works nicely enough

[billy]

content woman reading
as autumn rushes past
the bus window.

i think this one of the good ones my small nit is "content" it feels like an assumption. as opposed to the literal slice of nature/image and "as" is it needed?

would another solid word such as fat, skinny, spotty, do better.

[heslopian]

content woman reading
as autumn rushes past
the bus window.

i think this one of the good ones my small nit is "content" it feels like an assumption. as opposed to the literal slice of nature/image and "as" is it needed?

would another solid word such as fat, skinny, spotty, do better.

I see your point about the subjectivity of that word content, but your alternatives sound too aggressive... I'll have a think about it. Yeah the "as" isn't needed; I'll delete that now. Thanks for the feedback, Billy

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Cozy and evocative. Personally would've picked a word that didn't literally say "autumn", but it works nicely enough

How about "brown trees"? Thanks for the feedback and kind words, Addy

[heslopian]

Should not a proper haiku poem have the correct sound, or syllable, count per line?
Like this:

Five on the first line.
Seven on the second line.
Finish with five more.

Traditionally yes, but that isn't a steadfast rule. Thanks for the comment, velvetfog

[addy]

How about "brown trees"?

I like it. In the end, its down to your own taste and what works best for you, though.

[billy]

i like autumn rushes past so who will you choose hey

just kidding. addy is right, it's all down to what you think.

[meanbubbles]

I dont know about Autum rushing past, im thinking FLAT BROWN LEAVES
, you know, something mushy and messy like the leaves that fall on to the street to be ran over day after day.

[heslopian]

I dont know about Autum rushing past, im thinking FLAT BROWN LEAVES
, you know, something mushy and messy like the leaves that fall on to the street to be ran over day after day.

Thanks for the feedback, meanbubbles; I like your idea about a messy image, and I'll certainly give it some thought.