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[Robert]

It happened so fast or did it take too long ?
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[just mercedes]

Hi Robert! I don't think I've read a poem by you before. Your poem starts well, but it seems to run out of steam somehow. Then it ends well. So it's a bit uneven.

Your poem for me is an uneasy combination of rhyme and free verse. I think you need to stick to one or the other - which one doesn't matter.

It feels as though you try to cram too much into the final lines of the first two stanzas.

I really like that last line, the last stanza is my favourite in fact, and I'd like to see more of that tension.

[kolemath]

Hi, Robert.

This is my favorite line: "With love, a walk in the sun is the same as the rain"

It's a good insight.  It speaks to the tenacity and optomism of a relationship.

It's my personal preference, but I like lines (and poems) like this one, which allow concrete images to deliver the insights. 

But much of the poem is abstract.  To my reading, revise for the more concrete elements of the affair. Lines like these, " Without her eyes here, it's not nearly the same / But less than our words, it would be such pain," start with a good image, but wander into abstraction.

Again, just personal preference.  Thanks for the read.

[wipmp]

A clock by day and pounding drum at night
My heart won't relent when she's out of sight 
Her voice makes time quicken and the beating whine -  I'm having a hard time connecting "the beating whine" with the imagery in this part.

Without her eyes here, it's not nearly the same
But less than our words, it would be such pain - based on what's been presented so far I don't understand this line as written.
Recollections preserve us. Her blues are mine

Inside my head the wondrous thoughts seldom cease
It's good though.  And bad, if it somehow finds peace
The wondering if -and knowledge that- hers does the same

Two shadows embracing is all we reveal
A Whisper at bedtime. A moment we steal
With love, a walk in the sun is the same as the rain.

Is circumstance fatal or just in the way?
Vulnerable and open.  Pure hearts that don't stray
I pray it's not chance and that destiny's strong

To desire our touch means not being alone
She knows me so well and with her I'm at home
It happened so fast or did it take too long ?

Hi Robert, thanks for sharing your poem I enjoyed reading it. 
There are some other helpful comments posted here too already by others. I just added a couple of others for you to think about.