above street noise

[rayheinrich]

        above street noise -
        hawk
        three pigeons

[Tiger the Lion]

        above street noise -
        hawk
        three pigeons

Clever. One of the ways I test  my short pieces for word economy is by shuffling words and/or lines. If it stops making sense, I probably could chop some. This gets an A:

above street noise
three pigeons
hawk

three pigeons 
hawk
above street noise

three pigeons
above street noise
hawk

OK, the 3rd one is a stretch. Just trying to illustrate my appreciation for the tightness of this piece.

Paul

[rayheinrich]

        above street noise -
        hawk
        three pigeons

Clever. One of the ways I test  my short pieces for word economy is by shuffling words and/or lines. If it stops making sense, I probably could chop some. This gets an A:

above street noise
three pigeons
hawk

three pigeons 
hawk
above street noise

three pigeons
above street noise
hawk

OK, the 3rd one is a stretch. Just trying to illustrate my appreciation for the tightness of this piece.

Paul

        Yes, a good measure of a tiny poem is how little the syntax contributes to the meaning.