Haiku

[meanbubbles]

I undress and dive,
The water is cool and clear,
The blessing of spring.

[addy]

As a haiku, you have to keep the snapshot of the moment as trim and direct as possible. So in the second line you could instead say "into cool clear water" or something like that so it doesn't sound like you're speaking of another subject or belaboring the point.

That said, just imagining this scenario made me smile.

[billy]

while being a nice little read, for me
it veers closer to senryu than haiku mb

[meanbubbles]

Thank you, both of you. I needed to read the types of short poetry thread. I never knew about senryu, i though that The water was the main character but i see i was wrong by introducing person first and basing it on people.

[billy]

Thank you, both of you. I needed to read the types of short poetry thread. I never knew about senryu, i though that The water was the main character but i see i was wrong by introducing person first and basing it on people.

some say you can use people but i think if you do, it has to be in a straight forward way.

in this one it's not too bad. what makes it more a senyru is "the blessing of spring" make blessing something definite.

the melt of spring or something else.

[heslopian]

I found something mildly erotic about the first line, and the rest reminded me of this famous haiku by Japanese master Matsuo Basho, translated by R. H. Blyth:

The old pond;
A frog jumps in —
The sound of the water.

***

Refreshing as a wet flannel, meanbubbles.