02-14-2016, 07:18 AM
Life
Like the pitch-black night
His heart sinks into the dark
After ages of fright.
Like the pitch-black night
His heart sinks into the dark
After ages of fright.
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my first attempt of haiku.
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02-14-2016, 12:12 PM
In ELH (English language haiku) one does not generally use punctuation. Also as a general rule they do not rhyme.
The syllable count is 5-7-5 yours is 5-7-6 personally I don't care, but since you labeled it as a "haiku", there are certain rules. Also there is no seasonal word, or cutting word as is required in ELH. Please see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku Best, dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't. 
02-14-2016, 12:30 PM
Hi Dave, thank you very much for the critic. I thought the last sentence would be af-ter ages of fright which would be 5 syllables. Am I wrong?
P/s: you are so right, ages is 2 syllables. Thank you very much. I am so dump (02-14-2016, 12:12 PM)Erthona Wrote: In ELH (English language haiku) one does not generally use punctuation. Also as a general rule they do not rhyme. |
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