Art Appreciation

[Erthona]

Art Appreciation
 
Chalk art on a slanted driveway.
A conglomeration of raindrops
destroys what they came to see.
 
erthona
 
 
©2016

[Magpie]

Art Appreciation
 
Chalk art on a slanted driveway.
A conglomeration of raindrops
destroys what they came to see.
 
erthona©2016

Interesting image with equally interesting use of words.
I'm unsure if it relates to any actual specific event or happening.
The whole idea of creating chalk art on a slope seems to be set up knowing the inevitable consequences in time. Like building a sand castle I suppose. Slanted is very specific when sloping would work in a physical sense, so I take 'slanted' as biased or predjudice perhaps. 'Conglomeration' is a wonderful sounding word, but it always puts me in mind of business, company mergers and the like. With all this in mind there are many possible interpretations that I can see with this poem, which is a good thing, I think.
The other thing that it did put me in mind of is when Buddhists make mandalas, sometimes they make them out of different coloured sand and then when it's complete at the end of the day they pour it out into a river. Art for art's sake.

Thanks for the read,
Mark

[Erthona]

Funny thing, what ran through my head after I wrote it was William Wordsworth's line "We murder to dissect." Of course that was not what was in my head when I wrote it...can't really remember what was now But, yes, I am very familiar with mandala drawings as I used a type of therapy that incorporated them. "Conglomeration", I like the idea of the raindrops being construction workers, taking down a building.

dale

[Achebe]

suggestion on an alternative made up collective noun below.
nice short poem

Art Appreciation
 
Chalk art on a slanted driveway.
A conglomeration of raindrops ..... 'a coalescence of raindrops' ? 
destroys what they came to see.
 
erthona
 
 
©2016

[Erthona]

I could see that, but I like the industrial aspects of "conglomeration", but it would have been an acceptable alternative had I used that to begin with, I just don't see the justification for changing it. As I am personifying the individual raindrops "conglomeration" seems to work slightly better, but had I originally written it as 'a coalescence of raindrops' I would probably argue to keep it like that

dale

[RiverNotch]

slanted doesn't feel necessary: the added detail can be ignored, and the added meaning doesn't for me contribute. Maybe line length, but I don't think that matters here.

I got the double meaning of conglomeration, and I do agree that with that double meaning it's much better than something like coalescence, but when I first saw conglomera-, I immediately thought of the rock-type....

[Erthona]

Thanks RN,

Actually "slanted" is there because the scene I was describing was a chalk drawing on the slanted part of the driveway. After putting it in I liked it as it gave motion to the scene within the mind of the reader, or at least it could, as the rain drops washed away the chalk it would run downward, so it leaves that implied image without having to actually say it. I also like the feel of a flat, rigid inclined plane as opposed to a slope. It juxtaposes along with the hardness of the concrete of the driveway itself against the softness of chalk. However, I would never put in an extra word simply for line length. Well, maybe in metered poetry.

Thanks for your comments, always appreciated,

dale

[QDeathstar]

like the poem and achebe's suggestion.

[Erthona]

Tanks QDS!

dale