Revenge of the Caustic Gabber!

[Donald Q.]

I don't want to talk about the
90's. I wish I had told you
that you have a stupid goopy voice.
 
Now it surges under the doorframe
whilst I am trying to sleep. I 
wish I had shut you up, because
I writhe on my pillow, haunted 
by your gunky chattering. The 
best comparison I can make:
your turgid speech is Monster Blood
from Goosebumps, an outward novelty
come to life! Swelling and spreading, 
seeming impossibly solid,
inducing hunger and anger,
morphing the size of all it touches.
Like me now; horizontal 
and so hugely irritated.
 
Like me, followed to bed by the burbling horror 
of your words, the insipid acidid mouth slime.
This echoing aural battering! The oozing 
murmur, insistent, always! Bolt upright, sweating 
at my mirror, bellowing at my reflection,
pumping my hands over my ears, trying to 
drown you. My thyroid gland is throbbing in the noise;
It's beginning to brew a solution for you...

[Lizzie]

We meet again, deeQ. I think this one could use some paring down. I love that your humor shines through.

I don't want to talk about the
90's. I wish I had told you
that you have a stupid goopy voice. Good job with the childlike insult.  
 
Now it surges under the doorframe
whilst I am trying to sleep. I -- why the archaic whilst? doesn't fit I think. Especially since a modern time frame has been established.
wish I had shut you up, because
I writhe on my pillow, haunted 
by your gunky chattering. The 
best comparison I can make: -- and it's a good one!
your turgid speech is Monster Blood
from Goosebumps, an outward novelty
come to life! Swelling and spreading, 
seeming impossibly solid,
inducing hunger and anger,
morphing the size of all it touches.
Like me now; horizontal 
and so hugely irritated. -- I understand that you're going for the ever increasing irritation, but hugely is not setting right. You could still keep the feeling modern with something that feels casual, slangy.
 
Like me, followed to bed by the burbling horror 
of your words, the insipid acidid mouth slime.
This echoing aural battering! The oozing -- about in here I start to find the description is becoming wearisome. I think that you might be going for a mimicry of the content with the form, but it's not serving you well that I want the poem to end at this point.
murmur, insistent, always! Bolt upright, sweating 
at my mirror, bellowing at my reflection,
pumping my hands over my ears, trying to 
drown you. My thyroid gland is throbbing in the noise;
It's beginning to brew a solution for you... -- I like the ending...maybe expand that bit some more. Show how you would get back at this person that we completely despise at this point and long for revenge upon.

I think that you might do well to include some idea of who the speaker is in relation to the one chattering away. Fleshing out the plot a little bit would help it feel less one dimensional.

It's humorous, as I previously mentioned, and I like smiling.

I'll be back for a look if/when you edit.

Liz

[Donald Q.]

Yeah, basically this was a silly poem I wrote and wasn't gonna revisit, but then I thought why not pop it into mild, see if it's worth another crack.
Thanks for the feedback. If I do come back to this it probably won't be for a while; it's not the best thing I've ever written as is.