bacon haiku (updated)

[Achebe]

finally got around to it...





Original

Pig at peace.
Eggs sizzling.
Knife on whetstone.

[Quixilated]

Oh how lovely Achebe!
I love that this has an ominous and dark-with-an-evil-grin sort of feeling, and yet I also find humor in it. I like it a lot. I can actually hear the knife scraping every time I read it.

And also, yum.

However, side note, probably not an important factor in a poem of this nature, but ... is it wise to start the eggs at this point? Eggs cook rather quickly, I can't help feeling they will be burned to a crisp long before the pig has been, well, chased and wrassled, then "you know what" then all the yucky stuff that comes after, then I believe there is curing involved to get the salty taste ... anyway, if the eggs are sizzling while the pig is still asleep, it's eggs for breakfast and bacon for dinner, technically.

[cvanshelton]

Oh man, that is some good stuff! Made me laugh pretty good. The egg thing hung me up a little too. But here is a small suggestion:

Pig at peace.
Knife on whetstone.
Autumn smokehouse.

or

Pig at peace.
Eggs waiting.
Knife on whetstone.

[Quixilated]

No, don't change it. The poem is deliciously loud the way it is. The egg thing was a side note, a rabbit trail. The whole thing works perfectly as it is. Without the eggs sizzling it would lose some of its delectable malice, that one of the last sounds he will hear is his own side dish cooking ... It's just perfect and I love it.

[QDeathstar]

Erm.... this poem sucks... now I smell bacon and eggs and its far to late to break out the griddle

[Achebe]

thanks all, but I must say I love 'autumn smokehouse'. I even downloaded a picture of a sleeping pig and made a 'picture poem' with cvan's lines. But now I've forgotten my flickr account password, so it's a bit of a pain. It'll be up soon.

---

Erm.... this poem sucks... now I smell bacon and eggs and its far to late to break out the griddle

wait...aren't you in the UK? It's the middle of the night there.
where DO you people live??

[billy]

i can't get decent bacon here in the philippines you bastard. it's all that streaky shit. enjoyed your food.

[Achebe]

updated....

[billy]

better waiting than sizzling, it takes time to sort a pig out

[ellajam]

Great change on the last line, enjoying the whole of it.

[dukealien]

Strongly agree that the change is delightful.  And the illustration - pigs in blankets of their own delectably promising substance!

[Achebe]

Thanks, billy, Ella, and duke. All credit to Cvanshelton and Quix, and to the guy who posted the right photo on the internet.

~ Tagawato San

[RiverNotch]

finally got around to it...

BUT THAT'S TWO PIGS (xD)

[Lizzie]

They look like a Shar-Pei version of a piggy.