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I would clap the jokers between my hands
that circle around you like horseflies -- the smokers,
the shit stokers, the cock strokers.
The casanovas, the supernovas
that burn bright and transient,
I'd swat them away
if you weren't smiling
at their bites like kisses
and their wings like monarchs.
Meep meep.
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(10-30-2016, 07:45 AM)Bueller Wrote: I would clap the jokers between my hands
that circle around you like horseflies -- the smokers,
the shit stokers, the cock strokers.
The casinovas, the supernovas
that burn bright and transient,
I'd swat them away
if you weren't smiling
at their bites like kisses
and their wings like monarchs.
This is quite enjoyable - on the surface, about the beloved's giddy fads, somewhere underneath that all about the viewpoint character's jealousy and envy of them; "wings like monarchs" suggests they're not only ephemeral but grander than the viewpoint.
Small correction: unless you're trying for a meld with "casino," "casinovas" looks a lot like a misspelling of "Casanova(s)." If you replaced some "the" in the first two stanzas with descriptive adjectives, something like "Club casinovas" would dispel that doubt. So would "casino-vas," but that lacks subtlety.
Liked it very much - clever and economical.
Non-practicing atheist
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(10-30-2016, 10:06 AM)dukealien Wrote: (10-30-2016, 07:45 AM)Bueller Wrote: I would clap the jokers between my hands
that circle around you like horseflies -- the smokers,
the shit stokers, the cock strokers.
The casinovas, the supernovas
that burn bright and transient,
I'd swat them away
if you weren't smiling
at their bites like kisses
and their wings like monarchs.
This is quite enjoyable - on the surface, about the beloved's giddy fads, somewhere underneath that all about the viewpoint character's jealousy and envy of them; "wings like monarchs" suggests they're not only ephemeral but grander than the viewpoint.
Small correction: unless you're trying for a meld with "casino," "casinovas" looks a lot like a misspelling of "Casanova(s)." If you replaced some "the" in the first two stanzas with descriptive adjectives, something like "Club casinovas" would dispel that doubt. So would "casino-vas," but that lacks subtlety.
Liked it very much - clever and economical.
dukealien,
Unfortunately, that was a spelling error. I usually double check these things, but I fear that this was a classic case of being too eager to post. Thank you for mentioning the mistake.
Thank you for your kind words and insightful reading.
Luke
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"Hey, this is precisely cool", he said in the fashion of miscellaneous.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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(10-30-2016, 04:09 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: "Hey, this is precisely cool", he said in the fashion of miscellaneous.
Well, if precision is the fashion here in miscellaneous, I'll certainly be kicked out for inappropriate attire.
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(10-31-2016, 11:21 AM)Bueller Wrote: (10-30-2016, 04:09 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: "Hey, this is precisely cool", he said in the fashion of miscellaneous.
Well, if precision is the fashion here in miscellaneous, I'll certainly be kicked out for inappropriate attire. One of the many fashions of misc. is that criting is not expected (though you can do it if
you feel like it); so it's ok, unlike in some hidebound forums I might mention, to say a simple "I like this"
without getting red typing inserted at the bottom and boatloads of shite.
In fact, misc. has so many fashions, that they come close to approaching all. Of course, in approaching
all, misc. comes precariously close to having none. Freedom can be counted as what you can do, or
what you can't. One glass is full and the other empty, it's what is or isn't in them that counts.
P.S. Precision is different from accuracy. The first has to do with detail, the other with truth.
P.P.S. While topcoat and tails are totally appropriate here, I usually come dressed in yet another
appropriate attire: Totally fucking naked (In this case I'm being more accurate than precise).
The closest one can come to describing the fashion of misc:
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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(10-31-2016, 01:19 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: (10-31-2016, 11:21 AM)Bueller Wrote: (10-30-2016, 04:09 PM)rayheinrich Wrote: "Hey, this is precisely cool", he said in the fashion of miscellaneous.
Well, if precision is the fashion here in miscellaneous, I'll certainly be kicked out for inappropriate attire. One of the many fashions of misc. is that criting is not expected (though you can do it if
you feel like it); so it's ok, unlike in some hidebound forums I might mention, to say a simple "I like this"
without getting red typing inserted at the bottom and boatloads of shite. 
In fact, misc. has so many fashions, that they come close to approaching all. Of course, in approaching
all, misc. comes precariously close to having none. Freedom can be counted as what you can do, or
what you can't. One glass is full and the other empty, it's what is or isn't in them that counts.
P.S. Precision is different from accuracy. The first has to do with detail, the other with truth.
P.P.S. While topcoat and tails are totally appropriate here, I usually come dressed in yet another
appropriate attire: Totally fucking naked (In this case I'm being more accurate than precise).
The closest one can come to describing the fashion of misc:
Don't own a topcoat and tails, but I do own a bucket and a mask....
So, the fashion is to be a little annoying and inappropriate, like a cat's ass in your face? Or do I just need to have an asshole to fit in? I'm hoping I don't have to be an asshole. I am sometimes, I just don't like to feel pressured into it.
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(11-01-2016, 09:45 AM)Bueller Wrote: So, the fashion is to be a little annoying and inappropriate, like a cat's ass in your face? That's the nature of cats, I'm afraid.
Just sit back, take a deep breath, and enjoy the rush.
(11-01-2016, 09:45 AM)Bueller Wrote: Or do I just need to have an asshole to fit in? I'm hoping I don't have to be an asshole.
I am sometimes, I just don't like to feel pressured into it.  It's hard to get the most out of PigPen without having an asshole. As far as being
pressured into one, this probably isn't the place. But there's a zillion sites on the web
devoted to this very thing (and I'm not just talking Saran wrap).
Just sit back, take a deep breath, and enjoy the metaphor.
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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