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italic lines have been changed
“Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in, I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines creating something within
to be set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or doesn't work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy my will to die
Dry your eyes, open your mind
Flow from what cannot be defined.
your thoughts?
ORIGINAL
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die
Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments 
Posts: 8
Threads: 1
Joined: Jul 2017
Quote:Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them I'd suggest a stronger opener. The meaning is there, but the execution isn't as great as it can. It's a tad confusing, had me rereading it.
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind So this is meaning that the drawings you've made are yours, and they are you, created from your mind. The "As," isn't neccesary, especially since used as some sort of transition though it's the 2nd sentence
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums Artsy talk 
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself I assume the protagonist has met some conflict with not being able to find an answer to his problem, which is theirself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die If my earlier assumptions are correct, and it's a Man vs. Himself conflict, this stanza speaks the inner fighting being brewed. He cant speak of it but has the potential and more to do so, but instead of speaking he uses art to display how he feels. It's a heart that's weakened, which I assume symbols the protagonists will to continue with life, and he defies himself, possibly inner thoughts that can be suicidal? (My interpretation)
Dry your eyes
Open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined. Personally I don't understand the last line but it sounds nice
The poem is basic and open to interpretation by audience. I'm sure most, if not all people have inner demons or a conflict between themself and no one else but themself. Pleases a general audience through simplicity and shortness
Raspberry Lemonade, Aced and Arrowed
Smooth is my tongue,
Sharper are my teeth
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(07-18-2017, 08:43 AM)Raspberry Lemonade Wrote: Quote:Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them I'd suggest a stronger opener. The meaning is there, but the execution isn't as great as it can. It's a tad confusing, had me rereading it.
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind So this is meaning that the drawings you've made are yours, and they are you, created from your mind. The "As," isn't neccesary, especially since used as some sort of transition though it's the 2nd sentence
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums Artsy talk
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself I assume the protagonist has met some conflict with not being able to find an answer to his problem, which is theirself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die If my earlier assumptions are correct, and it's a Man vs. Himself conflict, this stanza speaks the inner fighting being brewed. He cant speak of it but has the potential and more to do so, but instead of speaking he uses art to display how he feels. It's a heart that's weakened, which I assume symbols the protagonists will to continue with life, and he defies himself, possibly inner thoughts that can be suicidal? (My interpretation)
Dry your eyes
Open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined. Personally I don't understand the last line but it sounds nice
The poem is basic and open to interpretation by audience. I'm sure most, if not all people have inner demons or a conflict between themself and no one else but themself. Pleases a general audience through simplicity and shortness
Raspberry Lemonade, Aced and Arrowed
that's great Raspberry Lemonade, really great!! poetry has been more on the private side of my life rather than in the forefront unlike other art I create so your comment means allot to me, i get how the beginning can be confusing, as fore the second line, I'll take your advice, I should have noticed that anyway lol. you got the gist of it lol donno if I'd go so far to saying "suicidal" in a literal sense but perhaps more in a creative sense... I tend to go simple and lyrical... or artsy as you so put it hahaha thanks again, looking forward to more of your input
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(07-18-2017, 07:37 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: “Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself I really like everything before this boldened phrase, the wordiness is fun even
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die I thought the internal rhymes in the first part were clever but I think overdone this second part, particularly the boldened part, and 'that which would have' is too wordy I think to end on 'die'
Dry your eyes
Open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.the last line seems like it should be the title because the poem is a flow from what you're saying is undefined. Too statefully matter of fact, could have more impact somehow.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments really enjoyed that word romp
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
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(07-19-2017, 07:41 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: (07-18-2017, 07:37 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: “Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself I really like everything before this boldened phrase, the wordiness is fun even
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die I thought the internal rhymes in the first part were clever but I think overdone this second part, particularly the boldened part, and 'that which would have' is too wordy I think to end on 'die'
Dry your eyes
Open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.the last line seems like it should be the title because the poem is a flow from what you're saying is undefined. Too statefully matter of fact, could have more impact somehow.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments really enjoyed that word romp
yes yes CRNDLSM, thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. very valid points, i was looking over the poem earlier and made some changes to it based on some of Raspberry Lemonades comments, so i did cut some out. you will be happy to hear that the first bit you boldened was taken out. now it reads simply "to be set free despite myself" along with other redundancies. so thank you for your valued comments 
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(07-18-2017, 07:37 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: italic lines have been changed
“Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in, I become one with them Good use of alliteration. Writing creatively about creative drawing is interesting.
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
to be set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse Converse as opposed to convey? Minor difference, perhaps not necessary to change
But to express in less than words something that hurts or doesn't work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open Plain to see, set in the open, repeats which are not necessary.
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes This line and the next line need tweaking (beaten, defy) to be more true. Perhaps weakened or tired or some other synonym for at the rope's end instead of beaten.
As I defy my will to die
Dry your eyes, open your mind
Flow from what cannot be defined.
your thoughts?
ORIGINAL
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die
Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments
You like juxtaposition. Something that I don't use a lot of, at least consciously. Take more bold leaps in use of metaphor, image, and others to make it poetic. For now, seems like you are writing a letter about struggling in writing, or a form letter on how to write, which isn't to be taken as your not belonging in the writing. I am continuing to learn as well that creating for creating's sake is great for learning, while starting out.
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(07-20-2017, 06:23 AM)Solstice Wrote: (07-18-2017, 07:37 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: italic lines have been changed
“Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in, I become one with them Good use of alliteration. Writing creatively about creative drawing is interesting.
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
to be set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse Converse as opposed to convey? Minor difference, perhaps not necessary to change
But to express in less than words something that hurts or doesn't work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open Plain to see, set in the open, repeats which are not necessary.
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes This line and the next line need tweaking (beaten, defy) to be more true. Perhaps weakened or tired or some other synonym for at the rope's end instead of beaten.
As I defy my will to die
Dry your eyes, open your mind
Flow from what cannot be defined.
your thoughts?
ORIGINAL
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die
Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments
You like juxtaposition. Something that I don't use a lot of, at least consciously. Take more bold leaps in use of metaphor, image, and others to make it poetic. For now, seems like you are writing a letter about struggling in writing, or a form letter on how to write, which isn't to be taken as your not belonging in the writing. I am continuing to learn as well that creating for creating's sake is great for learning, while starting out.
hum i like what you got out of that actually, that is a very interesting interpretation. thanks for your input Solstice, i use juxtaposition here to symbolize the conflicts going on in the moment i wrote the poem, they are after all quickly written and i don't tend to think about it much. more like getting a feeling on a page... as raspberry pointed out earlier and i agree, is that it's simple and open to interpretation. and yes on that last point, although I've been writing for some time I'm always learning and that's what I'm here for. thanks again Solstice 
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(07-18-2017, 07:37 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: italic lines have been changed
“Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in, I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within I can read it more easily without the 'endlessly'
to be set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or doesn't work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy my will to die
Dry your eyes, open your mind
Flow from what cannot be defined.
your thoughts?
ORIGINAL
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die
Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments
Hi! I enjoyed reading your poem, I found it to be very musical.
I found the last two lines confusing though. Are you telling yourself that you should dry your eyes, etc., or is this your advice for readers? Maybe you could make it clearer who these last lines are addressed to? (I think I would like it better if it was you talking to yourself.)
Posts: 13
Threads: 3
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(07-22-2017, 04:59 PM)typing mantis Wrote: (07-18-2017, 07:37 AM)Pat Doiron Wrote: italic lines have been changed
“Undefined expression”
Pictures I've drawn draw me in, I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within I can read it more easily without the 'endlessly'
to be set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or doesn't work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy my will to die
Dry your eyes, open your mind
Flow from what cannot be defined.
your thoughts?
ORIGINAL
Pictures I've drawn draw me in and I become one with them
As they are me and mine, a making of my mind
The images of my imagination expressed in several mediums
A multitude of disciplines endlessly creating something within
To be set free, set free despite myself
How full am I to burst from that which I can’t converse
But to express in less than words something that hurts or does not work
A bleeding heart plain to see set in the open
Its beaten beats bring tears to my eyes
As I defy that which would have me die
Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined.
I'm by no means a pro of any kind lol , but i do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper in the form of poetry and short lyrical stories. really looking forward to your comments
Hi! I enjoyed reading your poem, I found it to be very musical.
I found the last two lines confusing though. Are you telling yourself that you should dry your eyes, etc., or is this your advice for readers? Maybe you could make it clearer who these last lines are addressed to? (I think I would like it better if it was you talking to yourself.)
hello typing mantis, thank you much, glad you enjoyed it I am a musician so it makes sense that it's musical, i see what you mean by taking out "endlessly" sound observation. the last 2 lines are me talking to myself haha. all of this is part of my journey of growth... sometimes we aren't easy on ourselves. the poem essentially talks about expressing self despite not feeling one has the ability to do so openly... for me that is frustrating... sometimes that feeling can't be defined (in my case anyway) so i create something in accordance to that feeling. be it draw, write, compose music, sculpt, forge... whatever... (multitude of disciplines). not sure how to address that (last 2 lines) part of your comment though lol that will require some thought, suggestions are welcome of course Thanks again for your comment
I love the poem and how you convey a creator and their work. The only issue I have with reading it is "As they are me and mine, a making of my mind". Because of the alliteration I personally had to re-read the line a few times before it sunk in which took some away for me.
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i think this is a delight to read. the imagination is the artist's repository, and works in reference to it or encompass its edification seem to soar above heights unknown to the blatant physical descriptions. imo.
"Dry your eyes
open your minds
Flow from what cannot be defined"
i love this finish, it adds a metaphysical tinge reaching into the minds of the outside world, while having a penetrating 'message' aspect.
overall i'm happy to have come across this.
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